escape, away from my mother, from my rapist stepfather. You stole that chance from me, from us.” Closing my eyes, I imagine a different world, one where Pen and Heather and I found a loving home, somewhere safe, and we all made it to adulthood without the marks of monsters on our skin.
I open my eyes.
I’m surrounded by my monsters now, but at least I hold the leash of some very pretty ones.
Shit, but did you really think they were just going to execute the Kushners? I didn’t. This is next level. There must really be some sweetness left in me somewhere because it still hurts, in a weird way. If murder only sparked joy in me, I’d be worried. But also, I feel no regret.
“Please, please, Bernadette. Please. I’m sorry. I won’t do it anymore. I’ll stop. I’ll stop.” Eric is sobbing now, snot running out of his nose and over his lips. His spittle is foamy; he’s definitely hurting. Also … he must sense that he’s not walking out of here, right? Like I said, monsters always know to look for other monsters.
“Did you see what I did to your house?” I ask him and he nods, almost eagerly, like he thinks that admitting to this will please me. “Did it scare you?” He nods again, and I smile, standing up and moving back to stand next to Aaron again.
Oscar doesn’t ask me any questions, just steps forward and points his revolver at Eric again.
“No, please!” Eric screams, his voice shattering the still air.
Even though I’m expecting it, even though I want it, I still jump when Oscar pulls the trigger.
Two years earlier …
Oscar Montauk
It’s not as if I enjoy doing violent things. No, it’s that violent things are necessary. You can’t create order without a little chaos. You can’t stir Havoc without a little pain.
Bernadette is sitting at a café across the street, a black coffee in front of her, blond hair hanging around her face. She doesn’t want to go to school today.
Because of us.
I put my elbow on the table and rest my chin in my hand, watching her. She probably thinks that only happens now, her being under the eyes of Havoc. But that’s not the case at all. The five of us were as fucked-up as children as we are now. We’ve always watched Bernadette Blackbird.
At first, we thought of her as a lost, little bird, someone that needed protecting because they were too weak and too soft to defend themselves. Life proved to us that we couldn’t save her, no matter how hard we tried. We couldn’t save her from her abusive mother, or her pedophile stepfather.
All of that because we didn’t have the power.
We do now. And the reason we have that power is because of the violence.
“Anything new to report?” Hael asks, flopping into the chair across from me. When he looks at Bernadette, I can see it in his eyes. He’s in love with her, but in a different way than I am. The love I have for her hurts. It stings. I grit my teeth against the sensation while Hael isn’t looking, but by the time he turns back to me, the emotion is gone. I keep it locked away in a silver chest inside my heart, and I always make sure to toss away the key.
I smile.
“Nothing. She hasn’t touched her coffee or checked her phone.”
Hael nods and sighs. He doesn’t like this plan, but there isn’t much more we can do. We watch Bernadette, but Bernadette will not stop watching us. There’s no goddamn place for her here. Like I said, Havoc is violence. Violence is not fun. I just want Bernadette to leave.
She doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, unfortunately. And I really hate doing this under the guise of helping Kali Rose-Kennedy. She’s an opportunist and a silver-tongued liar with an inferiority complex; I’d never hurt Bernadette just to please her, regardless of her calling Havoc.
Above all, Havoc means two things: loyalty and family.
It doesn’t feel like we’re being very loyal to Bernadette right now.
“Shit, I hate this,” Hael says, chewing at his lip for a moment. He shakes his head again, but he does nothing to change her fate. None of us do. Hael knows he has a mother who lives inside her own head, a murderer for a father, and very poor prospects for the future if he doesn’t help Havoc build something better. We could all very easily get stuck living