embrace.
“I know,” he answers, holding me tight.
“This doesn’t mean I’m not upset,” I continue, but I break down in seconds.
It’s so hard not to cry. The emotions inside me are too strong to ignore. I shed angry tears, sad tears, even a few happy tears. Thinking about the eleven years of lies infuriates me. What enrages me the most is that I can’t just be emotional and say fuck you to Dad and Beacon. I wish…I don’t even know what I want.
“Dad should’ve trusted me,” I say between sobs.
“Let’s go to my place,” he offers. “Did you eat?”
“Not yet.”
He grunts. “G, you know what can happen if you skip a meal.”
I want to yell at him for reminding me that my body is fragile. When can it be my turn to be irrational and not care about the consequences?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Grace
Holding hands, we walk to the restaurant one more time, where the manager is outside waiting for us with a takeout bag. When we arrive at Beacon’s place, I realize that it’s empty.
“Where is everyone?”
“The guys left to give us space.”
I want to argue that I wanted to be with them, but I don’t. The truth is that I just need Beacon right now. We eat in silence. Once we finish, we go to the studio. The box with the new cello is already there, waiting to be opened, but I’m not ready for it.
“I wish you had a gym.”
“We do,” he says. “Who do you want to punch first, him or me?”
I snort as I take a seat on the stool and caress the piano’s keys. “I wanted him to yell at me the way he does at Nathan when they’re fighting about my brother’s indecisions. The way he does at you when you get in his face and defy him.”
Beacon raises an eyebrow. “He didn’t?”
“Nope. He used that firm voice I hate. The worst part is he’s right, even when he’s wrong. He can’t help himself because what if he loses me? I remember how sad he was when Mom and Nathan were still delicate after my brother was born. He wouldn’t move from the hospital when I ended up in the ICU.”
I pause and look at Beacon. “Why do I have to be so rational?”
“It’s part of your beauty.”
I snort. “That’s such a lie.”
“No. It’s refreshing to be with someone who makes sense in a world where everything is chaos.” He waves his hands fast. “There’s this crazy cyclone in my mind all the time. When you’re around, you’re the anchor who grounds me. My grandparents never understood why I could be so calm when you were nearby.”
“I like your chaos.” I curl my index finger, calling him to me, and pat the empty space beside me. “It creates some of the best songs in the world.”
He smiles, taking a seat right next to me. “You’re the only one who understands it.”
“Sometimes, you only need one person to appreciate you for who you really are, Beac,” I say, resting my head on his shoulder.
When I say that, I feel like there’s a deeper meaning within those words. A lot more emotions are involved. Emotions I don’t want to analyze because what if I can’t handle them?
I understand why he did it, but can I trust him?
Who am I supposed to trust?
My best friend, my bodyguard, or the guy who swears he’s been in love with me for years.
Head exploding in five, four, three—
“I’m not sure when I’ll get past this. I should go back home.”
“You’re giving up on us already?” The tone in his voice breaks my heart. “At least, give me a fair trial.”
“It’d be best if we—”
He huffs. “Too many emotions?” He shakes his head. “We’ll deal with them together. You’re not doing this alone. I’m not leaving you hanging. Sometimes I think that I’m responsible for that part of your personality. The one that would rather not deal with feelings.”
“I kept telling myself that what I felt for you was only a crush,” I mumble. Maybe I should confess to him it was more than a crush. “Eventually, I got over it.”
I think?
“It feels like eleven years of lies that we told to each other, to ourselves, and what am I supposed to do now? Trust you blindly?” I slam my hands on the piano, closing my eyes and confessing, “I loved you so much, and you broke my heart.”
He exhales harshly at the same time that I gasp in surprise. This is the first