people on your family.”
“Of course not. You look down on us. You don’t think I noticed the look of disdain on your face when I met you for the first time? I’m sorry we’re not as educated as you,” said Na-yeong.
“Maybe I should stay,” Soo-Ja said. “It’s so cold, anyway.”
“No. Go,” urged Na-yeong, speaking normally again. She looked a little embarrassed by her earlier burst of emotion. She forced a smile and began toying with Hana’s hair. “I’ll take her for a walk. I saw some kids playing outside, maybe I’ll introduce her. It’ll be good for her to meet kids her own age, instead of being with adults all the time.”
Soo-Ja hesitated, and almost reached back for Hana, but she decided she’d just make the situation worse if she changed her mind. Hana, distracted by her doll, did not pay attention to their conversation. She was like a figure in the corner of a painting, placed there amid the scenery. Soo-Ja stepped back, feeling an odd sensation of being exiled. For a second, she hoped something would keep her from going to see Yul—an emergency or some urgent news—but no, the road was clear, nothing on the way, nothing to prevent her from doing this.
The doctor’s office smelled of lye and cleaning supplies. In the middle of the room, a boiler gave out heat; the few waiting patients clustered around it, all still wearing their heavy coats and jackets. Soo-Ja sat down in one of the small metal foldout chairs. She wondered if the others could read on her face her reasons for being there, and hoped that they would take her for another sick person.
Not too much later, Soo-Ja saw a nurse come out. She wore no uniform, only a red windbreaker and a mask over her mouth. Soo-Ja signaled to her, asking if the doctor would be long.
“No,” she said. “It looks like a heavy snowstorm is on its way. Even the sick are staying indoors. You said you had business with the doctor? You can speak to him as soon as this patient comes out.”
At that moment, Soo-Ja heard the door to the inner room open, and the sound of talking filled the air behind them. She looked at the nurse, who nodded brightly and said Yes, that’s the doctor. Soo-Ja turned, full of hope, her heart beating fast, expecting to see Yul, but instead she saw a man much older and shorter than him, wearing thick glasses and a long white uniform.
“Excuse me, miss.” Soo-Ja reached toward the nurse again. “But that is not Dr. Yul-Bok Kim.”
“Ah, Dr. Kim is not in today,” said the nurse, a little too loudly. “He and his wife are vacationing in the mountains. They ski. Do you know what skiing is?”
“Skiing?” Soo-Ja repeated weakly.
The nurse’s words echoed in her head: He and his wife… So Yul was married now. Why was it that she’d never considered that as a possibility?
“He’ll be back tomorrow, though. Are you a patient of his? What is your name?”
Soo-Ja looked at her and panicked, feeling ill.
How foolish I’ve been! What did I think was going to happen? That Yul would rescue me from my marriage? He’d probably think I was crazy for coming here.
“It’s all right. I—I’ll come back tomorrow,” said Soo-Ja, knowing she would be back in Daegu by then.
“Where were you?” Mother-in-law asked her as soon as Soo-Ja came into the courtyard. Behind her, Soo-Ja could see the sun erasing itself.
Soo-Ja looked at her, confused, noticing how Mother-in-law’s voice seemed too strident, almost hysterical. For a moment, Soo-Ja felt the odd sensation that her mother-in-law stood in her way, not letting her go find Hana.
“I was just running an errand. Didn’t Na-yeong tell you?” Soo-Ja tried to walk past her mother-in-law.
“Leaving your child with another child, what kind of thinking is that?”
Soo-Ja could hear it clearly now, the panic in Mother-in-law’s voice. Soo-Ja swallowed, feeling something hard sprout inside her lungs.
“Na-yeong is hardly a child. Where is she? Where is Hana?”
Mother-in-law didn’t answer but looked at Soo-Ja with pity and fear in her eyes. The lump inside Soo-Ja’s lungs felt like a massive growth now, and it began to pulsate.
“Where’s Hana? Tell me, where’s Hana?” Soo-Ja walked past her and went into the house. As she opened the door to the main room, Soo-Ja found Father-in-law and the boys gathered there. When they looked up at her, she witnessed the graveness in their eyes. Then, she saw something that chilled her blood: