trouble, and mothers whose sons married attractive girls often cursed the union. The ideal daughter-in-law had rough hands, large hips, and a homely face.
During the months of Soo-Ja’s pregnancy, Mother-in-law prayed every night to her ancestors at a small shrine she had built in the backyard, asking for a grandson. She observed all the traditional restrictions that were believed to encourage the birth of a boy. She did not let her daughter-in-law run, read, or walk up too many stairs. She did not let her have visitors, or talk about serious matters. She did not let her wear clingy clothes, or get near rotten or raw meat. Interestingly, thought Soo-Ja, her restrictions did not extend to her chores as a daughter-in-law. She still had to scrub the laminated floors of the house every day—floors that had to be clean enough for them to sit, eat, and sleep on—as well as wash everyone’s clothes, many of which were white and also had to be cleaned daily. Those activities were not thought to affect the sex of a baby, her mother-in-law explained.
When Hana was born, Soo-Ja’s in-laws were deeply disappointed. Mother-in-law tore off the chili peppers she’d hung on the entrance to the house, and disassembled the small shrine in the backyard. Girls were like grass—to be stepped on. As the oldest, Min was expected to give birth to a son and continue the family line. In his eyes, and in the eyes of the family, Soo-Ja had failed at her duty.
From that day on, her new family began to treat her differently. Occasionally, they’d remind her that if she were to get pregnant again, and give birth to a boy, her status in the household would improve. But Soo-Ja could not bring herself to have another child with Min. One was enough, she decided. In her mind, children had to be born out of love, not out of necessity. Besides, she already had her daughter, and even though no one ascribed the child any value, Soo-Ja believed that Hana was a blessing, and a thousand times better than any boy.
• • •
Soo-Ja had been ironing clothes when Father-in-law unexpectedly came to her room. She was a little startled by his presence there, since he’d never been there before. He slid the paper door shut behind him and sat down in front of her, without asking first if he could see her. He made it clear that this room, too, belonged to him. As usual, he never smiled or shifted his gaze. She had realized early on that he derived his authority from the fact that he did not care if others liked him. He’d given up the need to be loved—in the same way some monks gave up sex or rich food or nice weather—and it had made him invulnerable. While the rest of the world would stumble and trip in their quest for kindness, he remained impervious, never bothered by needing or wanting anything from anyone. Watching him made you think of love as a kind of weakness; without it, you were able to operate in as precise and calculated a manner as you wished.
“To what do I owe the honor of your visit, abeonim?” Soo-Ja asked. She placed the iron down, so that it wouldn’t face Hana, who was folding the clothes next to her.
Father-in-law glanced at his granddaughter but did not smile, as if wondering what she was doing there. “I’m concerned about you. I’ve been watching what’s been happening lately, and I can tell you’re not happy here.”
“No, I’m perfectly content. This is married life. It’s not meant to be a playground.”
“But you and I both know your days here could be much more pleasant.”
Soo-Ja turned her face away. “I’m not going to get pregnant again. Let one of your other boys marry and have a son.”
“That’s not what I’m here to talk about. I don’t care so much about the future generation. I care more about bills, and heating costs, and no one living off my sweat.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“Let me put it this way. If you were a guest in a boardinghouse, would you expect to live there without paying?” asked Father-in-law.
Soo-Ja stared at his leathery, dark skin, noticing how the folds around his eyes and his chin lent him the appearance of a bulldog. “You think I’m living off you?” asked Soo-Ja, furrowing her brow.
“I see for all the studying you have done, you don’t know much at all. In fact, you may