swears by them.”
“It’s smart to take care of your body now, especially your knees.”
“Yeah. So, I’m at the hospital like seventy hours a week. I have to take care of patients in rotation, and then I get assigned to surgeries at random. But a lot of the time, specific doctors will request me. I’ve done at least a hundred hernias, both abdominal and scrotal, and I’ve been gradually moving into more complex things.”
“Have you operated on a heart already?”
“No. Just watched. The heart is super complicated because it stays moving throughout an operation, so it’s really, really fucking delicate. But I’ll be doing that soon. I feel like using the word excited is inappropriate because these patients literally have their lives on the line, so it seems shitty to say you’re excited to cut them open, but I’m ready for the challenge and I think I’ll be really good at it. My hands are so still, man.” He held them both up and hovered them over the table, absolutely still. “And I’ve done research with my favorite physician on constantly finding better ways to do open heart surgery, and improving across the board really fascinates me. I want to actually be a surgeon, but the research is interesting to me too. Because I can only operate on so many people, but if you implement better practices all around, you’re affecting patients everywhere, all over the world, and giving them the best care possible without even being in the room.”
He sounded just like Dad when he talked like that. “You’re going to be the best heart surgeon in the world, Dex.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know about that…”
“I do.”
His eyes drifted away, getting lost in his passion, just the way my mind went elsewhere when I thought about one of my projects. “I was thinking of taking international positions after residency. You know, in countries where patients need quality care but can’t get to it. It’s not common for someone like me to go that route, but…I don’t know. I thought giving up a year of my life to do that would be a good way of me paying back the universe for how lucky I’ve been, you know?”
I nodded. “That’d be really generous, Dex.”
“I told Mom and Dad I would live in Manhattan when I’m done. I love the city and I miss it, and I know they’re counting down the years until I’m back. I just…feel like shit graduating and then telling Mom I’m taking off to Zimbabwe or something…”
I shrugged. “It’s your life, Dex. You’ve got to live it.”
“I know. But I miss you and Daisy too.”
“I know. But it’s only for a year, right? I think Mom and Dad would be really proud of you for doing something selfless like that. It’s not like you have loans to worry about.”
“Yeah, I feel bad letting Dad pay for it.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s like over a million dollars or something atrocious like that, with all my books, living expenses, tuition…”
“I don’t think they care, Dex. They aren’t going to be mad if you decide to volunteer your time instead of working to pay back the money he would never take anyway. They aren’t going to be mad that they paid for your education and you decided to live elsewhere for a year before coming to Manhattan. Come on, Dad would be so proud that you would do something like that. You know he would.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I just know they’re getting older, and working in this field has taught me that your number can be pulled at any moment… And I’ve been away from them for so long.”
“Mom and Dad are both healthy, Dex.”
“Sometimes that’s not enough, sometimes it doesn’t matter.” He gave a heavy shrug. “I don’t know…I have time to decide. I’ve just been so busy for the last seven years, and I’ve barely spent any time with them. I don’t feel bad about that because Mom and Dad made me feel guilty, I just…wish I could see them more. Remember when we used to go to the lake every summer? Dad has always been so busy with his patients, but I feel like he was always around. But I’m never around.”
“You’re in residency. It’s different. You needed to dedicate your life to something, and when you’re finished, you’ll have a lot of time to make up for your absence.” Now I felt guilty that I was literally down the street from them and I didn’t see them as