my mind? Not about keeping Ellie. Nothing could do that. But I might have thought about things more before I agreed to this plan.
“They’re going to cut you off,” she murmurs. “What are you going to do? Where will you go?”
“I have friends,” I say. Now I really want to grab Ellie from her arms, even though she’s not being harsh. She’s being as gentle as possible. It’s the truth that hurts. Still, I know Poppy will help me get on my feet once I tell her the truth. She’ll be furious. I can’t blame her for that, but I know she’ll understand once I explain.
“Are you going to stay here?” she asks.
“I don’t know.” I wish she would stop asking questions.
“London is expensive. Maybe you should return home.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” More than anything I want to be free of Valmont and my family moving forward. Right now, though, I want to hold Ellie and remind myself that I’m making the right decision. I’m sure that Ginny means well by asking me about my plans, but she has to know I haven’t had time to think about this. If I had, I would have come to this conclusion earlier and she wouldn’t be standing here with me.
“So, you’re going to stay here alone with a baby?”
“We’ll be okay.”
“If you came back, I could help you. Eventually, they’ll see reason,” she says.
“Will they?” Not for the first time I wonder if Ginny and I are living on the same planet. I don’t understand how she can write off all the ugliness she’s seen.
Another reason that I can’t trust her to raise my baby.
“I’ll make them,” she says fiercely. “You don’t have to do this alone, Adair. Bring the baby. I’ll get you an apartment. I have my own checking account. Malcolm doesn’t have to know. It will be our secret.”
“I just wait for them to change their minds?” I shake my head. I can’t see how that’s going to work.
“Look. You think you can do this, but you shouldn’t have to. You aren’t alone in the world. Plus, surely, the baby’s father is in Valmont. Was it that jerk from the wedding?” she asks.
I shrug. “Not sure. I didn’t feel like handing out a bunch of paternity test requests.”
They all think I’m a slut. I might as well lean into it.
Ginny doesn’t seem phased by this proclamation. She only nods. “If you figure it out, you can make the dad take care of you. Both of you. But only if you’re in the States.”
I start to tell her that Ellie’s father isn’t there either. That he won’t be around to help me or take care of his daughter, even if he wanted to be. But it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.
“Just think about it,” Ginny says, passing Ellie to me finally. I press her comforting weight to my chest and kiss her forehead.
“I will.” I won’t though, and we both know it. Ginny will go home, and I’ll stay here with Ellie. We’ll all be okay—somehow.
“Adair, there’s something you should know. Something they aren’t telling you.” She bites her lip as though she’s having second thoughts about telling me herself. “I really shouldn’t. Malcolm made me promise not to say anything. He said it might change your mind, but that hardly matters now.”
The pit in my stomach opens up again. “What is it?”
“It’s your father,” she says in a soft voice. “He’s dying.”
I open my eyes as the memory fades and stare at my brother.
“You really hate us that much?” he repeats.
The answer comes easily after remembering every reason behind it. “Yes.”
18
Sterling
“Noah, it’s Sterling,” I say as soon as the line connects. There’s no time to waste with pleasantries. Each second lost could cost me. “We need to talk.”
“Is that so? How’s the life of crime?” Noah doesn’t sound like an FBI agent. He never sounded like a military man, either. Instead, he’s always reminded me of an exasperated parent. Maybe that’s why he annoyed me during training. That annoyance shifted to hatred after what happened in Afghanistan.
“Cute. Listen, we have a mutual problem. Let’s solve it together.” Right now, he holds the key I desperately need to unlock the answers hidden from me. If I want to keep Sutton alive, I need to know who’s been talking to the FBI. I’m in a parking garage in downtown Nashville, somewhere even I didn’t know I’d be—until about five minutes ago. It’s probably just paranoia, I know.