he asks me.
“Oh, no,” Poppy says. “Princess couldn’t keep up with Adair.” She looks quizzically at the saddle I’d buckled on her.
“Aja suggested she’s a good fit for Cyrus.”
There’s a heavy pause followed by a burst of hysterical laughter from Poppy. I can’t help but join her. Cyrus glares at us with a bemused smile.
“If you’re done, maybe we could get a move on,” he suggests.
“Sorry,” Poppy says, brushing a bit of hay off his shoulder. “We didn’t mean to laugh.”
“Sure about that?” he asks.
I have to duck out of the stall to stop myself from falling apart again. There’s something delicious about watching Cyrus knocked down a peg or two, even if he didn’t know what he was doing last night. Maybe it’s due to the fact that I’ve watched most of the men in my life strut around with puffed chests, bragging about their accomplishments and acting invincible. It’s refreshing to see one of them being reminded that he’s only human.
In the end, Cyrus accepts riding Princess with dignity, and Poppy chooses a handsome stallion named Gemini. We set off along the rolling hills of the Landry estate at an even pace that Cyrus can easily match.
Raina doesn’t resist me, but I sense how much I’m holding him back. He’s a powerful animal and I can only imagine what it would be like to ride him without restraint. I can’t help hoping someday that I will.
The countryside is beautiful. Even half a world away, I feel at home on Raina’s back. Thanks to Poppy and Cyrus the ride is smooth enough that I don’t feel nauseous once.
When we pause at a poplar grove, Cyrus stops Princess and dismounts her awkwardly.
“I need to take a leak,” he announces as he hands me the reins and disappears into the trees.
“Charming,” I mutter.
“Next time, we’ll go out alone,” Poppy says with a laugh.
When will that be? Lately, I try not to look too far into the future. It feels wrong to hope for a time when life might be normal again. Even worse than that, sometimes I’m scared that it won’t be. I’m scared my life will never be my own. I take a deep breath, reminding myself that I have this moment and the air in my lungs and a beautiful view. I have so much to be grateful for, and I just have to trust the rest will work itself out in its own time. My stomach rumbles as if reminding me that I can’t avoid thinking about the future altogether, especially when it comes to my next meal.
“I almost wish we’d brought a picnic,” I admit.
“We probably could have. He’s doing better than we expected,” Poppy says fondly.
I think of what Aja said about how she makes things too easy for him. That’s always been Valmont’s problem. It’s an entire enclave devoted to the fine art of smoothing things over, and the women enable it. My mother did it, too. She always found an excuse for my father’s drinking. It’s what killed her. Ginny’s already falling into line with the expectation, pretending nothing is wrong when anyone could see she’s heartbroken.
Even me, I’m doing it right now by not telling Poppy about what Cyrus did last night. Maybe it was an innocent mistake, but she should know. He shouldn’t just get to do whatever he wants with no consequences.
“Look, Poppy, last night, something happened,” I begin just as Cyrus reappears from the trees. I clamp my mouth shut.
“Let’s head back,” he calls as he walks over and pats Princess.
“Okay. Adair is hungry anyway,” she says brightly before turning her attention back to me. “You were saying something happened last night.”
“Never mind. We can talk about it later,” I say, releasing Princess’s reins back to Cyrus. Our eyes meet briefly, and he turns away.
“Just don’t—” Poppy starts, but before she can finish her sentence, Cyrus attempts to mount Princess and fails. My head turns just in time to see the mare kick angrily at the failure, her back legs sweeping out. Underneath me, Raina startles at the sudden motion and rears. My hands tighten on the reins too late and the last thing I feel is the air being sucked from my lungs as I hit the ground.
“Fuck!” Sterling is on his feet, pacing across the living room again. I sit up, hugging my knees to my chest. “Keep going.”
“I’m not sure I want to,” I whisper, and he finally stops to drop in front of me.
“That was the