that the chair falls to the floor, but the rage that clouds my vision keeps my focus solely on the words that poured from his mouth.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” I roar.
Priest straightens and pins me with a glare. “I want to know what the fuck you’re so goddamn afraid of, Maddox. I want to know why you fucking hate yourself. I want to know what it’s going to take for you to let go of the hate you have for yourself and be fucking happy.”
“Why can’t you let this go?” I beg, slumping to the floor.
“Because you’re my brother, Maddox, and I love you.” He kneels in front of me, his hands on my knees where they’re pulled up to my chest. “You carry this blame like it’s surgically attached. It controls everything you do, everything you say, every-fucking-thing you feel.”
A heavy silence lingers between us for long, drawn out minutes before he speaks again. “What do you need, Madd?”
My eyes close of their own accord as Jax’s face flashes through my mind—the only beam of light that can break through the darkness.
So much is changing. I feel like I’m in a never-ending fun house and I can’t find my way out. Each room distorting, manipulating itself until it’s unrecognizable.
I feel like my life has been put on hold. My brothers are all moving on, finding love and multiplying it—filling our once cold and empty clubhouse with life and kids. Priest. Patch. Bullet. They all know who they are without the club and the sinners. And Demon, well, even without all the other shit, he’s always had his own agenda. Revenge.
And then there’s me. Who the fuck will I be if I don’t have this club? What’s left for me to become if they take the only means of purging the darkness I’m already fighting to keep at bay?
What do I need?
I need for life to stop moving without me.
I need to come to terms with the truth of my past.
I need for Demon to finally find peace, and I need for the club to stay the same.
But most of all, I need Jax.
And since none of those are going to happen, I give him the next best thing.
“I need a sinner.”
CHAPTER 9
OAKLEY
What the hell are you doing, Oakley? Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time you came here?
Obviously not.
But I need this job, and now is not the time to be proud—or scared.
I remember the nasty words the bartender so easily spouted at me during my first visit. Working with him won’t be ideal, but as I discreetly check my reflection in the window of Corrupt, I remind myself of my game plan. Keep your head down and your nose clean. Hopefully, if I don’t bother anyone, they won’t bother me. Steeling my defenses, I straighten my shoulders and pull the door open.
The scent of alcohol, cigarettes, and boob sweat permeates my nostrils. An obscenely large chested woman struts in front of me, her arm supporting the weight of a tray of beers that she’s balancing on her shoulder. She bends down to place the various drinks in front of their owners and doesn’t bat an eye when a rogue gentleman comes up behind her and starts grinding into her ass. Lovely.
Behind the bar, the bartender—who’s not the dickwad from the other day—is busy mixing drinks and taking orders, and if the crowd at the bar is any indication, it’s going to be a busy night.
“Oakley!” My name is called over the beat of the music and when I see her, I smile.
Shelly. I wave as she approaches, and when she reaches me, she pulls me in for an unexpected but not unwelcome hug.
“Come on,” she says, tugging my hand and leading me toward the back of the club where a single red door stands out against the deep blue walls. Above the door, a white fluorescent sign reads Staff Only.
Shelly unlocks the door using a numbered passcode. The door closes with a soft click behind us and the pounding music fades into the background. As Shelly leads us up a flight of stairs, she continues, “I’m sorry about the mix-up with your interview.”
Ah, the interview. Last night I was supposed to interview here with Shelly’s boss, Angel. She was adamant that I show up early to the ten pm appointment because her boss likes punctuality. Needless to say, I wasn’t the only one surprised when her boss didn’t show.
“It’s okay.” I shrug. “Things