was a child and I cried about my sisters getting more buñuelos than me. Yeah, I was a dramatic child.
I clamp my eyes shut. “I had to let him go, Mom. I couldn’t do it anymore.”
She nods, but she doesn’t know enough about Angel to understand.
“He wouldn't let me in. I tried, Mamá, I tried so fucking hard.” A single tear falls down my cheek and I swipe it away with the back of my hand. Mom comes closer and takes both my hands in hers. “I couldn’t fix him,” I choke on the words.
Mom tightens her grip on my hands. “My boy, your heart has always been too big for this world. You see a broken soul and your own soul cries out at you to fix them.” I laugh humorlessly. A lot of good that did. “Have you considered just maybe, that’s not what Maddox needs?”
Not what he needs? “What do you mean?”
She gives my cheek a gentle pat. Her expression is thoughtful. “Years of loving the darkness inside your father taught me to recognize it in others. That boy is suffocating, Jax. Choking from the dark inside him.”
“No.” I step back from her. “He’s nothing like Dad. Maddox would never hurt me that way.”
I study her face; the lines and wrinkles that mar her skin. The years of abuse have aged her significantly, yet she still believes in loyalty to the end. “You’re right. Your father gave life to the darkness inside of himself. It was a weapon he would wield against those he loved. But the darkness that lives in Maddox… It was planted there by someone else. It’s a different kind of dark, mi hijo. The monster inside your father was his own. No one else is to blame. Who is the monster inside of Maddox?”
I stumble from the impact of her words. What the hell? How can my Mom seem to know so much about him? Maddox has only shared small parts of his childhood with me, but even with my limited knowledge, I can tell he’s hiding painful secrets. Anytime I brought up his past he’d change the subject so quickly I almost got whiplash. My imagination used to—still does—go wild, playing over different scenarios. Some moderately tame, while others take a much darker turn and cause chills of terror to spread through my veins.
I fucked up.
I sink down to the cold kitchen floor and drop my head in my hands. I allow the tears to fall freely now. I’m not ashamed to cry, not in front of my mom. “What do I do, Mamá?”
She stands beside me and runs her fingers through my hair, soothing my tears with her gentle humming. “Stop trying to fix his broken pieces. Instead, make a home among them and love his darkness too.”
Her words from earlier pierce my heart and another sob breaks free. “I promised to love him. His light and his dark.” I should have made that promise to Maddox.
From the moment I saw him at Wicked Wrench I was drawn to him. There was something about him that called to me. On the outside he was this beautiful man who never stopped smiling or laughing. He was the first to put up his hand and help someone out.
It wasn’t until I really got to know him that I saw the man beneath that shining light. Maddox has depths even the oceans could never fathom. The smiles and laughs are nothing more than an attempt to hide the pain and sorrow hidden within. For all his beauty, Maddox wears a mask to give the world who they want to see, instead of who he truly is.
“Stop trying to fix his broken pieces. Instead, make a home among them and love his darkness too.”
It’s time for the mask to come off.
It’s time for me to show him I’ll love him no matter what he’s hiding beneath.
CHAPTER 7
ANGEL
Walking into Church used to feel like coming home. Inside these four walls I held onto the lie that I was always the truest version of myself. My brothers always accepted me, and I knew without a shred of doubt that I was safe here. That I belonged.
You’re a liar. The voice inside my head taunts each time I step over the threshold and take my seat at the mahogany table. Pain seizes my heart at the thought of shedding the mask I’ve worn for so long—even right here in front of my brothers.
I ignore the conversations around me