and his heart in his throat, wanting nothing more than to make Declan smile. He had hoped to share the holiday with Declan before Declan left for his yearly six-week car trip around the country. Things had immediately gone wrong. After accidentally discovering Declan kept a stash of every magazine Ezra ever posed for, Ezra had gotten the wrong idea. He had thought that meant Declan felt something for him. After all, Theo had said he believed Declan was in love with Ezra, so Ezra didn’t think he was crazy. Apparently, Theo and Ezra were wrong. Ezra had made a fool of himself and kissed Declan. He wished he could claim it was the first time he had been stupid when it came to Declan. Every time he let himself get close to Declan, Declan found a way to make him pay. Usually, he made Ezra pay in the form of watching him bring home another man for the night. One would think that constant mental abuse would be enough to break Ezra from his stupid crush, but no. Ezra still wanted him.
“Don’t fall asleep before you eat this.”
Ezra rolled and sat up at Declan’s order.
Declan eyed the dog on the bed. “I don’t want him on the bed.”
“It’s my bed,” Ezra said, letting his tone speak for itself. It was his bed. His house. His rules. “I’m really not hungry.” Ezra truly did not want to eat anything.
Declan sat next to Ezra’s hip and held out the plate. “Eat this one thing and I’ll tell you a secret.”
Ezra eyed the sandwich Declan offered. It was white bread and peanut butter. Both things were meant to stick to his bones. “Just one secret? That doesn’t sound like a fair trade.”
Declan’s mouth lifted in one corner. “I’ll make it a good one.”
It was just like Declan to make Ezra incapable of saying no. “All right.” Ezra accepted the sandwich and nibbled the corner. He curled his nose without thought. Ezra hated white bread. It had nothing to do with carbs. It was just like a mouth full of starch. Disgusting.
“Yeah, I know,” Declan said, rolling his eyes. “You don’t like white bread. Well, guess what? Too bad. You can have wheat bread back when you learn how to make good choices again.”
Ezra hadn’t been the least bit hungry in ages. Declan’s angry tone certainly didn’t help matters. Ezra set the sandwich aside and rolled back over. He wasn’t purposely being an ass or stubborn. It was hard to swallow food when he was upset. Plus, white bread had always been hard for him. It was a texture thing, which wasn’t helped by Declan’s attitude. Ezra’s throat felt too tight to eat.
Declan blew out a breath. “I thought you wanted to know my secret.”
“I don’t give a single fluff about your secrets. At one time, I would’ve killed to hear your every thought. That was before you shut me out and let everyone else in. Now, I couldn’t care less.”
“Do you know those magazines you saw in my room?”
Ezra didn’t answer. Declan would choose the one topic Ezra really wanted to know the story behind, especially since Declan truly owned every single magazine Ezra ever posed for... even the ones Ezra had done in secret.
Declan didn’t let Ezra’s silence detract him from his point. “More specifically, if you recall, the ones where you posed nude and the lingerie shoots. I had to buy more than one copy because I wore them out staring at you.”
Ezra rolled and met Declan’s stare. Declan had his attention.
“You probably weighed a good forty to fifty pounds more than you do now, and I couldn’t stop looking at you. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you, and you know it, whether you want to admit it or not. You’re mad at me. I get that, but at least attempt to look at things from my point of view. Your brother took me in and saved me from a hopeless, pointless life with abusive parents. Was I supposed to repay his kindness by falling on his little brother like a pervert? Wanting you...” Declan took an unsteady-sounding breath. “Loving you feels like I’m betraying Jessie’s trust.” A bright and unashamed smile stretched Declan’s lips. “That didn’t stop me from jacking off to those pictures of you so many times that one of my arms is bigger than the other. You need to regain some weight. Right now. I’m thinking I would break you if I