His will was tested like never before as Ezra touched Declan’s stomach, using Declan’s body to steady himself, as he reached past him and felt of the water.
“It’s fine.” He stepped inside the shower, setting Declan free. Declan tried like hell to find something else to do, but he also needed to keep an eye on Ezra. In the end, he grabbed a chair from the vanity, set it beside the shower, and settled in to embrace his voyeurism.
In a small way, Ezra saved him. After a minute of attempting to get clean, he sat down on the seat built into the shower and cracked the shower door. As Declan looked on, Ezra leaned back, turned his head, and held Declan’s stare through the opening. With Ezra’s hazel stare holding his, Declan wasn’t as tempted to eye Ezra’s body. Instead, he wanted to look into Ezra’s soul.
“Why do I feel so bad?”
Declan’s chest tightened at the question. “I don’t know. Jessie is sending a doctor over today. Maybe he’ll know.”
Ezra nodded.
A desperate need to see Ezra smile overcame Declan. “Do you remember when Jessie flew us all to Ibiza for your eighteenth birthday?”
Ezra’s shook his head and looked away. “You had so many men flirting with you. I spent the entire weekend outraged.”
A chuckle slipped from Declan without his permission. “I couldn’t see anyone but you. You brought all those brightly colored speedos with you and danced around me all weekend. I don’t know why, but I think about that weekend a lot.”
Ezra met his gaze again. “Do you want to know a secret about that weekend?”
Declan laughed, overwhelmed by sudden embarrassment. “Is it that your hotel balcony looked straight into my window and you watched me jack off? Because I know. I saw you. To my ever-living shame, that show was for you.”
Not only did Ezra not crack a smile, he looked more serious than Declan had seen him in a long time. That was saying a lot, considering current circumstances. Ezra shook his head. “I planned to disappear that weekend.”
Declan’s smile fell. He blinked. “What?”
Ezra nodded. “I’d been planning it for a while. Two weeks earlier, I posed nude for a barely legal magazine and made a ton of money, because I have a famous brother. I opened a secret account with it and already had another shoot planned that would really set me up financially. I planned to take the money and slip away. Start a new life.”
“Why?” Even Declan heard the horror in his single question.
A small smile touched Ezra’s lips. He shrugged. “I didn’t have any friends. Jessie was at the height of his drug use with no hope of stopping in sight. I wanted to be somewhere else. Be someone else. I already had a plane ticket to New York and my bags were packed when I watched you through your window, jacking off.”
“Why didn’t you leave?”
Ezra held Declan’s stare. His heart was in his eyes. “I was in love with you. You were the only piece of my life I couldn’t leave behind.” Ezra looked away. “If only I had known how much staying would hurt me.”
“I don’t know why you can’t see things from my point of view.” Declan didn’t mean to lose his temper. It was all just so goddamn unfair. He couldn’t take it any longer. “If I had followed my heart, I stood to lose everything. If I had touched my boss’s little brother, I would have been blacklisted from ever doing this type of work again. I would’ve lost my chosen family. My friend. Then what if you’d decided you were only feeling your oats? Where would that have left me?”
Halfway through his speech, Ezra’s gaze had latched on to him and hadn’t moved. His expression stayed completely closed. “I’ve always seen your point of view,” Ezra said, sounding calm. “That’s why I never pushed. I kept waiting for you to finally realize that you’re the one for me, and that I’m not the faint-of-heart type.”
The truth struck Declan. He had known that. Ezra wasn’t the type to play the field. He was serious and grounded. Ezra didn’t sleep around, living wild and free. He knew himself and what he wanted. That meant Declan was the only one to blame. Declan was the one who had been testing everyone else’s waters.
“Could you help me out of here? My body feels like it weighs a ton. I don’t know if I can stand.”
Declan shot to his feet. He grabbed