was around Leo and I wasn’t impressed. She assumes that I have a bad opinion of her husband, and she’s right.
She continues, “Okay, so Stephen told me that when Leo was very young, his father would take him to the basement and”—her eyes fill with tears—“abuse him.”
“What kind of abuse?” I ask.
“Physical … and sexual.” She swallows a lump in her throat. “When it first started, Stephen heard his brother screaming and didn’t know why, so he went looking for Leo and found their dad raping him.”
“What?” I cry, tears falling from my eyes.
Cat dabs her tears with a napkin. “It happened a lot. Stephen heard Leo’s screams for years, but he was told to never go down to the basement again, or it would be him. He was afraid.”
“What about his mom?”
“She knew. She was afraid too.”
My tears fall freely, and the anger wells up in my chest. This isn’t the type of information that I can process here. I’m going to start yelling in this diner, and I need to get out. I run for the door. Cat chases me out.
“Alma, my car’s here.” She points to a BMW parked toward the corner. “Come sit and talk to me.”
I follow her to the car and sit in the passenger seat. Once the door is closed, my sobs come. I cry into my hands, rocking back and forth. My chest aches for Leo and the little boy inside him who was stolen.
“I can’t believe this.” I shake my head. “When did the abuse stop?”
“When Leo was ten, he tried to kill himself, and it stopped after that.”
“Who was there to protect him?” I scream, snot and tears covering my lips. I wipe the back of my arm under my nose. “His mom should’ve protected him! Stephen should’ve stopped it! Why is everyone hanging around Mr. Harding like nothing happened? This is sick! I hate them all.”
“I know.” She cries silently beside me as I fall apart. “I’ve been trying to understand it. They’re all victims, Alma, in their own way. They’ve chosen to pretend it didn’t happen and carry on with their lives. His mom is weak; that’s just who she is. Stephen was a child too.”
“I guarantee you that Leo hasn’t forgotten it! How could he? They all ruined his life. And you all are just over there, having dinner with a child rapist?”
“It’s a challenging situation. Despite the trauma, they’re still a family. I think people have this innate desire to stick together. Even Leo still comes around for holidays. As outsiders, looking in, it’s hard for us to understand the messed up dynamics.”
“I’ll never forgive them.” My chest heaves. “Why are you telling me this now? You know Leo and I aren’t together anymore. I love him, and I understand now why he might turn to drugs to cope with his demons. But I can’t be with an addict. I was raised by addicts. I won’t be a part of that life. I can’t be a part of that life.”
“After Christmas, Leo signed himself into rehab for a month. Then, he saw you and started spiraling, but instead of turning to drugs, he got help. He wants to be better, Alma. He’s been in rehab and therapy for four months now. I’m the only one he allows to visit. His room is barren. There are no personal effects, except for an ornament of the two of you. You’re kissing his cheek.”
“I had that made for him for Christmas.”
“He doesn’t know that I know, but when he went to the bathroom, I found a note you had written him peeking out from underneath his pillow. He’s only had two personal items in his room all these months, and they’re both from you. He loves you, Alma. He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you. He’s afraid of failing you, but he loves you, and I know you love him.”
I swallow and swipe the back of my hands across my cheeks. “I know he does. I know he loves me, but I can’t save him.”
“He’s trying to save himself.” Cat’s voice trembles with sadness. “He’s trying so hard. Just love him back. He deserves to be loved.”
I cup my face with the palms of my hands and cry. I almost can’t process what I’ve learned in the past few minutes. No child should have to go through what Leo did. I can’t imagine the pain that an experience like that has on a person. How does anyone survive