not going to happen, and you can change your mind about kids. Most twenty-one-year-old guys aren’t ready for kids, but it doesn’t mean you’ll never be. If you don’t think you’re good enough to be a dad, then change,” I argue, almost furious.
I want to cry; I’m so mad. How can he just write off his future in such a cavalier manner? How has he already given up on happiness and a family? What am I even doing here? I feel myself falling for him, and for what? Heartbreak? Because that’s where it’s heading.
“I have to go.” I start to stand, and Leo grabs my arms.
“Wait, no,” he says desperately. “Don’t go.”
“What are we doing here?” I demand, sitting back down in the water so the bubbles cover my body.
“I don’t know,” Leo responds. “What do you want me to say?”
I open my mouth to yell, but then I close it and gather my thoughts. “I understand that people date and break up all the time in college. I’m not delusional enough to think that the first guy I date will be the one. But with each boyfriend, there has to be the chance that he could be it; otherwise, what is the point of going out in the first place? I’m not looking for a hook-up. I don’t need you to take my virginity and then dump me. If you’re telling me right now that you’re a hundred percent sure that there is no future for us, then I’m out.”
“What do you want from me, Alma? You’re the first girl I’ve dated—ever. We’ve been together for two fucking days. You want a marriage proposal now? I can’t give that to you. I’m trying to be open and honest with you, and you’re giving me shit? You’re insane,” he spits out.
“Ugh,” I groan, standing from the tub and stepping out. I grab a towel from the shelf and wrap it around me. “Clearly, I am insane for thinking that anything between us could work.” I snatch my clothes off of the floor and storm out of the bathroom.
Leo gets out of the tub. “Just wait,” he barks out.
He follows me into his room, a towel wrapped around his waist. Water drips from his chest. “Let me get this straight. You’re mad because we’ve been dating for two days, and I can’t tell you that I’ll marry you someday?”
“No! I’m mad because you’re telling me that there’s no future for you or us. I don’t need a definite, but I need a possibility. What’s the point of being together if there’s no chance we’ll work? Why go through all of these emotions and share these experiences that I’ll never get to have for the first time again if there’s no future? I’m not going to risk falling in love with you if there isn’t a chance. That’s not fair to me!”
Leo runs his fingers through his wet hair. “I’m new to this too. Not only am I new to relationships, but caring about someone is also a new experience. Cut me some slack, Alma. Damn it, I’m trying.”
I see the torment in his eyes, and I want to hold him. I know he’s trying.
Pulling the towel tighter around my chest, I sit on the end of his bed. “I’m scared,” I tell him. “I’m so scared, Leo.” My voice trembles.
He sits beside me. “Of what?”
“Of you. We’ve had this connection for a couple of months now. Yes, the relationship part is new, but the attraction isn’t. When I’m with you, I feel so good. You make me feel so good. I’m afraid of losing that feeling, of losing you. Losing you now would be heartbreaking. Losing you a year from now would be devastating. I don’t know how I’d recover from that,” I say with a sigh.
“Alma, I don’t know what a year from now will look like, but I’m trying. For you, I’m trying. That’s all I can do. That has to be enough.”
“I know.” I lean my head against his arm.
“I can’t promise you forever, but I can promise you today. I’ll cherish every part of you today, and tomorrow, I’ll keep trying to be better … for you.” He sets his open hand palm up on my leg. “Is that enough for you?”
I place my hand atop his and thread my fingers through his. “Yeah, it is.”
In this moment, I realize that I’m already in too deep. It’s a very real possibility that Leo can’t give me tomorrow,