fucking made me feel.
What kind of relationship was I going to have with Gage?
Holding him still made me feel anxious.
Though, I was starting to feel comfortable when Avery laid him across me when he was upset and demanded I talk. It was the quickest way to soothe him. I figured it was something about the deep vibrations of my voice, but Avery was adamant it wasn’t just about that.
It was my voice he found comforting, and it felt good to be that for him—a sense of comfort and safety.
Fear stopped me from doing anything else.
Pure unexplainable fear.
The guilt and self-loathing that had begun to eat at me from the inside out quickly switched to something else as I pulled into the compound gates and instantly took note of the Harley parked right next to the building. My boys fucking knew better. Their rides parked off to the right of the compound in perfect formation beside the fence. I knew every single one of my brother’s rides. They were all different, all unique, and easy for me to identify. This motorcycle, though, was not one of them.
It was generic.
Nothing special about it.
One, you could buy straight off the lot because you thought it was cool.
I rolled up beside the machine and turned my engine off, throwing my leg over, ready to storm inside and give some asshole absolute hell for being a fucking idiot. Except, I didn’t even make it inside.
“You think you can just have a kid and not invite Uncle Slate to meet him?”
I paused, blinking to fight back the glare of the sunlight, so I could see through the shadows. It took a few seconds, but there was my fucking best friend standing just inside, holding a tiny baby in his arms.
My boy.
The heaviness of everything that had been weighing me down suddenly shifted like it was being lifted from my shoulders. But that was Slate. He’d had my fucking back for years, shouldering my burdens, my problems, and my hell as much as he possibly could.
Allowing me to take those moments where I could breathe.
It was a comfort I’d found recently in Avery, but for different reasons. When it came to club problems, she couldn’t be there to help. She had to stay in the background. It was simply the way we ran things. It was how we protected our women. The less they knew, the better.
“You bastard.” I laughed, my feet carrying me forward. I stepped inside, the both of us instantly looking down at Gage, his bright blue eyes catching mine and his feet instantly beginning to kick. I couldn’t lie and say it didn’t make my heart stutter when he recognized me. My boy, getting fucking excited just to see me there.
“Man, little dude has some strength,” Slate commented in awe as he struggled to hold tight to the tiny wiggling worm.
“You look as uncomfortable as hell,” I joked, taking a step back and scanning the room for Avery, finding her behind the bar. “Ave, come grab him?”
She looked up with a smile and instantly rounded the bar, reaching out to Slate.
My brother frowned, his head tilted a little toward me, his brow pulled together as he handed my son to what he assumed was just a club girl.
“I have to start my shift at Empire at seven. Adrian said he’d be all moved in and ready by then to watch him for the night,” she explained, smiling down at him. Instinctually, I moved closer to Avery, gently grasping the back of her neck with my hand and pulling her in. I pressed my lips to her head before brushing my fingers lightly over Gage’s fluffy white hair.
Things were changing daily.
Routines being made.
Things falling into place.
My confidence was growing each day as I was reminded just how many fucking people were going to love Gage. To be there when he needed someone, to nurture him, to show him how to be a man, how to treat a lady, and how to face the parts of himself that are a part of who he is. I was still fucking scared.
This weird fear twisting my stomach every time I thought about how I could hurt him, how I could do something wrong, how he could hate me for who I am. Or for the hand he was dealt. But I was dealt that hand too. And I would go to hell before I let him give in to those demons. My brothers would go to hell