he rarely allows that part to shine through.
My cheek lies against his chest muscles and I inhale him, the sandalwood and citrus, the warmth and the safety.
The need to cry hits me out of nowhere.
But why?
Why, Asher, just why?
He places both hands on my cheeks and wrenches me away from his warmth to hold me at arm’s length. “Don’t you dare fucking do that again, understood?”
My lips tremble, but I say nothing.
“What happened to what you said? The part about how I don’t deserve for you to sacrifice yourself for me or anyone else?” He shakes me hard as if he’s jamming those words inside me. “Snap the fuck out of it.”
The need to throw myself into his embrace again becomes overwhelming like an actual presence with thoughts and feelings, but since I can’t do that, I focus on my other purpose. “Are you going to let me search for my sister?”
“For fuck’s sake.” He wrenches himself away from me and I flinch backward as he turns, facing the endless buildings and their lights.
His shoulders hunch with tension, and I don’t know how to make it better—not that I should.
“So?” I press instead.
“Fine.”
A breath heaves out of me as I try to get my chaotic feelings in check. If he leaves me be, I’ll be able to focus on finding Reina.
Then, when I give her back her life, I’ll pay whatever price Asher wants of me.
“But you’re not doing it alone,” he continues.
“What?”
He turns around, his expression less agitated than earlier. All tension has left him, replaced by a calculative streak.
“We’re in this together.”
My brows furrow. “Why would you want to help me?”
He reaches me in two seconds and wraps a hand around my neck. “Because I own you, my ugly monster.”
We stay the night in my apartment after Asher refused my millionth attempt to make him leave. He even called Izzy, informing her I’d be spending the night with friends.
Friends. Psh, whatever.
Asher is probably the last person who could be considered my friend.
I spy on him as he washes the dishes in the kitchen—without using the dishwasher. Then he places the leftover mac and cheese in a casserole and puts that in the refrigerator.
Seriously, why does he keep doing things like that for me? It only makes me feel more apprehensive.
I retreat to where I woke up and close the door. It’s so similar to my room in Alex’s house, only this one’s closet is filled with leather skirts and pants, the latest fashionable bags and shoes.
With a sigh, I lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling. My phone and bag sit on the nightstand. Asher must’ve brought them in when he carried me up here.
I unlock Instagram then type.
Reina-Ellis: Are you there?
His reply is immediate.
Cloud003: For you, always.
A smile tugs on my lips. I need a friend so bad right now, and I don’t want to bother Naomi or Lucy with a long story this late.
Sure, I could’ve called Jace, but this anonymity gives me a lot of courage.
Reina-Ellis: I stood on the edge of a roof today and threatened to kill myself. I didn’t mean to, you know. I only wanted to bargain for something else, but as I stood there, a pull kept tugging me.
Cloud003: Did you give in to it?
This is what I like about him. He doesn’t judge me when I talk about this type of stuff.
Reina-Ellis: No, or I wouldn’t be talking to you right now *tongue out emoji*
My attempt at humor falls flat.
Cloud003: But you thought about it.
Reina-Ellis: I did, but at the same time, I didn’t.
Cloud003: How so?
Reina-Ellis: I can’t explain it. There was someone else with me, and as I stood there, I felt a strange type of freedom and told him things I’ve been keeping a secret for nine years, things no one else knows, things I don’t think I would’ve ever said if I weren’t standing at the edge. There’s something so liberating about having nothing left to lose.
He takes a few seconds to reply.
Cloud003: And what was his reaction?
I bite my lower lip. I don’t want to tell him about Asher or about my double identity, but at the same time, I want to continue talking to him.
He brings me calm.
Reina-Ellis: He didn’t like it.
Cloud003: He didn’t like what?
Reina-Ellis: Me standing on the ledge and threatening to jump.
It hits me then.
Arianna’s death. Oh my God—Arianna died the same way, and I just repeated the scene in front of him.
In my mind, I thought he wouldn’t