to not take your mood out on Nicky and Dev. Nicky’s a good guy, and Dev stayed in the fight and cleanup afterward until it was pretty much over, when he was probably scared shitless and overwhelmed. Don’t sell either of them short and don’t aim your bad mood at them.’
‘Well, aren’t you just a wellspring of dating advice?’
‘If you think it’s bad advice, then don’t take it,’ he said.
‘I didn’t say it was bad.’
‘Then don’t pick a fight with them. Remember, you love one of them and like the other one a hell of a lot.’
‘Yes, sir,’ I said, but it sounded petulant, even pouty.
‘You can do what you want to do, Anita, but in the mood you’re in, sleeping alone may not be the best idea.’
‘I used to sleep alone all the time.’
‘Yeah, and you were miserable. I may not understand how your life works with everyone in it, but this is the happiest I’ve ever seen you. I’m not sure how much of that happiness is due to Nicky, or Dev, but some of it is, so keep that in mind in the next few minutes. I’m getting sleep before someone with a badge calls with another emergency.’ He hung up.
I was left standing there with the silent phone and the two men. Dev was looking a question at me. Nicky was trying to be all neutral, and he was, except the very emptiness of his face and body screamed just how not neutral he was feeling.
I sighed and looked at them. Finally I said, ‘I’m sorry.’
They looked at each other, then back to me. Nicky said, ‘For what?’
‘For being pissy and taking my bad mood out on both of you.’
‘It’s okay; I’m your Bride, you can treat me the way you want.’
‘Do you know how much I hate that you mean that?’
‘Yeah, but it’s still true, and, Anita, if you hadn’t made me into your Bride I would have killed you and helped my pride kill Jason, Micah, and Nathaniel. I was, and am, a very bad person. I am a bad guy, or would be if your sense of moral outrage didn’t control me.’
‘I know, I know, I’m your Jiminy Cricket.’
‘No, you’re more than that,’ he said, and took a step closer to me. ‘You said you loved me tonight. I felt that you meant it.’
‘I did mean it,’ I said.
He held out his hand, and I took his hand in mine.
‘That’s okay,’ Dev said. ‘You guys have fun. I’ll find another room.’
Nicky and I looked at each other. I raised my eyebrows at him.
‘He doesn’t have to go on my account,’ Nicky said.
‘Stay,’ I said.
Dev looked at us both. ‘You just said you loved each other for the first time. You should have a night to yourselves.’
‘Why?’ Nicky asked.
‘Because you love each other,’ Dev said, as if that made perfect sense.
‘Anita saying she loves me doesn’t change everything,’ Nicky said.
‘But shouldn’t it?’ Dev asked.
‘Why should it?’
Dev looked to me then. ‘You explain it to him.’
‘Explain what? I agree with Nicky.’
‘Shouldn’t you want a night alone to sort of celebrate the love thing?’
I squeezed Nicky’s hand and smiled at him. ‘One of the reasons I love Nicky is that he’s okay with sharing me with Nathaniel and Micah, and Cynric, and Jean-Claude, and Asher, and’ – I shrugged – ‘all the people in my life.’
‘It doesn’t bother you to share her?’ Dev asked, and I knew he was asking Nicky.
‘Nathaniel says you share better than I do, so why are we having this discussion again?’
Dev smiled, shook his head, and said, ‘Because I keep getting hung up on the clan tiger idea that eventually you fall in love and become monogamous, and when Asher comes back I’m going to try to be monogamous, so … I guess it’s how I’m thinking. Honestly, I don’t know, but somehow love should change everything, shouldn’t it?’
‘If you’re doing it right, love makes you more of who you are, not less,’ I said.
‘What does that mean?’ Dev asked.
‘It means if we were a happy little polyamorous group before I said I loved Nicky, why should saying it and meaning it change that?’
Dev seemed to think about it, nodded, rolled his lower lip under, and then nodded again. ‘Okay, your logic beats out my sentimental whatever. Now what?’
‘Shower isn’t going to be big enough for all three of us,’ Nicky said.
‘Regular hotel shower would fit me, Nathaniel, and Micah, but not the two of you. Your shoulders alone won’t fit.’
Dev