I shot to my feet, disoriented, and fumbled with the lock a moment before giving up and snapping it completely off the door. I burst out of the stall and rushed past the girls. They gasped and cried out, but I didn’t look at any of them. There was no more keeping my head held high. I couldn’t face them or anyone else.
Outside the restroom, the crowds and music made my head spin. I was a complete mess. I had to get out of there. If Merodach and Kelaeno found me in this state, there was no way I could fight and protect my friends. I would get Will killed.
I had a terrifying thought: The demonic reapers had probably followed Ava and Sabina here. Ava had to be smarter than that, but I couldn’t take the risk. I couldn’t stay any longer and get anyone else I loved killed, even the strangers or those nasty girls in the restroom. I had to leave.
“Life is difficult, and sometimes we must make difficult decisions to protect the ones we love,” Nana had said to me earlier tonight. She was absolutely right. It was time for me to make a difficult decision, whether it was right or wrong. At this moment, it felt like the right decision.
I caught a glimpse of Will out of the corner of my eye. He was doubled over with one hand on the wall to hold himself up, his eyes squeezed tight and mouth open in physical agony—as if someone had slammed him in the chest with a hammer. I stopped in the crowd, staring at him as he struggled to right himself, Ava’s hand on his back, her expression full of worry. But he pushed her away and forced himself to stand tall as he searched wildly over the heads of my friends and classmates, looking for me. Then he barreled through the crowd, spinning and turning in every direction, calling my name in a fearful voice. I studied him, perplexed, and the truth of what I’d just witnessed hit me like a truck. He always knew when I was upset or in pain. Our bond, the magic that I’d put into his tattoos binding him to me, our bond that allowed him to know what I was feeling … he always knew I was in pain because my pain caused him to hurt. The agony I felt at that moment spilled into him, making him feel through pain what I felt emotionally. I did that to him. I caused him pain. I was cancer, a disease on everyone who knew and loved me.
I ducked behind a wall before he saw me, and I took a deep breath, drawing in as much of my energy as possible and pushing it down until he couldn’t sense me. By suppressing my power, I could hide it from him and ultimately hide myself from him. I couldn’t have him following me.
I kept my head low and my hair over my face as I pushed my way through the crowd and ducked out the front door. I got in my car and I was gone.
Alone.
21
I WAS NUMB AS I DROVE BACK TO NANA’S WITH NO intent to stay. I entered the house as quietly as I could and went straight to the guest room. With my duffel bag mostly still packed from the move, I hurriedly shoved a few more things into it before heading back out to my car. I drove somewhere I knew no one would find me, to the north side of town, to a park I’d been to with my parents a few times when I was little. It would be empty in the middle of winter and after dark, and I could avoid any contact with anyone, especially humans. I parked my car in the lot of an empty grocery store where it would be safe, and I walked beneath the lightly falling snow and lonely streetlights. A couple of cars passed me, and that was it for company. I relished the solitude and didn’t care that it was cold. When I got to the park, I trudged to its center and found a wrought-iron bench beneath a snow-covered tree and a single lamppost. I plopped down and immediately began to cry.
“This is a surprise,” said a voice to my side.
I jerked, startled, and looked up to see Cadan standing next to me. I wiped my face with my sleeve and made a very unladylike sniffle.