serious and I am so distraught.”
“Dearest Mother, I do understand. I know how you have suffered for a long time.”
“You knew that?”
“I have seen it in your face… because I love you so much.”
“My poor child. I will fight for your position as well as for my own, for you see, if this terrible thing came to pass, you would no longer be the Princess of Wales.”
“But I am the Princess of Wales. I am the King's daughter…”
“It is hard to explain. If the King were to prove that his marriage to me was no true marriage, although we have lived for all those years as husband and wife, in the eyes of the Church our marriage would be no true marriage and therefore our child would not be the legitimate heir to the throne.”
As the enormity of this swept over me, I felt deeply shocked.
“That could never be,” I said.
My mother answered, “We must see that it never comes to pass.”
We sat for a long time, I at her feet clinging to her hands. We were silent, she no doubt brooding on the past years, perhaps remembering the happiness she had enjoyed with my father during the first years of their marriage and I shocked and bewildered by the sudden realization of what had been going on for so long.
It was the reason for my mother's sadness, the silences of the Countess. They had believed me too young at eleven to understand that which could have had a devastating effect on my future.
I was afraid of the future; I was afraid of my powerful father. Young as I was I knew that my fate, and that of my mother, was in the hands of a ruthless man.
Yet, I was glad that at last I knew what it was all about.
REGINALD HAD COME to Court with us from Ludlow and I had an opportunity of talking to him.
I said bluntly, “I know now what has been troubling my mother for so long. My father fears theirs is no true marriage. You know of it, I suppose.”
“Yes,” he answered.
“I dareswear everyone at Court knows of it.”
“Many do,” he admitted, “although it is known as the King's Secret Matter.”
“What will happen?” I asked.
“What can happen? Your father is married to the Queen. There is an end of it.”
“But if the marriage was no true marriage…?”
“It was a true marriage.”
“My father thinks that, because my mother was married before to his brother Arthur, it was against the laws of Holy Church that he and she should marry.”
“It has taken him a long time to come to this decision.”
“It has been brought to him because God has denied him sons.”
“There could be a number of reasons for that.”
“But he thinks it is because he married his brother's widow.”
Reginald shook his head. “My mother prays for a son,” I went on. “If only she could have one, all would be well.”
Reginald looked at me sadly. “My dear Princess,” he said, “you are too young to bother your head with such matters.”
“But they concern me,” I pointed out.
“You are thinking of your right to the throne. If your father does not have a son, you will be Queen one day. Would that mean so much to you?”
I hesitated. I was remembering the months at Ludlow where I had had my own little Court. Power. Yes, there was an intoxication about it. It would be my right to follow my father, to rule the country… unless there was a brother to replace me. “I see,” he said, “that ambition has already cast its spell over you.”
“Are you not ambitious, Reginald?”
He was silent for a while. “I think we all have the seeds of ambition in us,” he said at length. “Some might have ambition to possess a crown; others for a peaceful life. It is all ambition in a way.”
“You could advance high in the Church.”
“I am not sure that I want that. I want to see the world…to learn. There is so much to be discovered. When you are older, you will understand. And now … do not grieve. This will pass, I am sure. Your father is restive. Men sometimes are at certain periods of their lives. He is disappointed because he has no son. He looks around for reasons. This will pass. It must pass. The Pope will never grant him what he wants. There is the Emperor Charles to be considered.”
“Why the Emperor?”
He said gently, “The Emperor is the Queen's nephew. He would