a shock.
A tall and beautiful woman was presented to me, and I was immediately struck by her radiant good looks.
“The Duchess of Lorraine…”
I felt sick. He had brought her with him! Oh, how dared he! How could he be so blatant?
She was kissing my hand, lifting her dark-fringed eyes to my face, studying me, no doubt seeing me as the plain, unwanted wife. I looked at her coldly, nodded and passed on to the next who was being presented to me.
I was wondering what he had said of me. People talked indiscreetly during intimate moments. I was angry, but most of all very sad.
SUSAN AND JANE DORMER understood. They were indignant.
“It is nothing,” I said to them. “Kings have mistresses. They are not serious entanglements.”
“Do they bring them in their trains?” demanded Susan.
“Often, I suppose. It just happens that we have heard her name mentioned. He does not know that.”
I turned over in my mind what I should do. Should I confront him with the fact that I knew who she was? Should I demand how he dared bring his mistress to my Court? Or should I feign ignorance?
But how should I receive the woman? I could not endure it. I would have her sent back. On the other hand, if I did, there would be more whispering, more titters. Pretend I did not know? I had been living a life of pretense for so long, shutting my eyes to the truth.
I could not bring myself to be civil to the woman. Yet I did not see how I could order her to go.
Sometimes I was on the verge of telling Philip that I would not have his mistress here, but I did not.
When we were together, when he showed affection for me, I was still able to deceive myself. It was because I so earnestly wanted there to be love between us.
He talked a good deal about the iniquity of the French. They must be defeated. They were the enemies of England as well as of Spain. I must see that the sooner England declared war on them the better.
This was why he had come. Not to be with me. I knew it and still I wavered. There were moments when I completely deluded myself. I wanted him with me. I wanted to please him.
He was getting exasperated because I was shelving the question. It was urgent, he said. The French were laughing at us. They were working against us as they always had.
I said I would speak to the Council.
The verdict was noncommittal. We were not in a position to go to war. The Exchequer was alarmingly low. The people were not in a mood to suffer taxation.
It seemed as though Philip had come in vain.
My attitude toward the Duchess of Lorraine was becoming very strained. I wondered whether people noticed. No one mentioned it to me. But at several banquets I cut her when she approached me, and I always insisted that she be seated as far from Philip as possible.
Susan came to me in distress one day. She had friends who were always ready to pass on news, and she thought it her duty to garner it and sometimes tell me.
She explained that she had heard that, at the French Court, they were laughing about the ménage à trois, and there was speculation as to how the Queen would deal with her beautiful rival.
“It is an impossible situation,” I said.
“I do not know what to do.” Susan was forthright. She had already expressed her disapproval of Philip's behavior with Magdalen Dacre, so she did not hesitate to do so now.
She said, “Your Majesty should send her away.”
I frowned. I said, “But she is in Philip's entourage. It would not be good manners for me to interfere with his private circle.”
“In the circumstances,” she said, “Your Majesty should remember that you are the Queen. He had no right to bring her here but you have every right to dismiss her.”
“How could I?”
“Simply by telling her that her presence is no longer required at your Court.”
“Philip would be angry.”
“Your Majesty is angry.”
I said, “I think you may be right.”
I pondered on it for a few days. I almost spoke to Philip, and then found I had not the courage to do so. I was afraid he would leave me. He was already becoming impatient about the delay in agreeing to make war on France.
Eventually I did it. I sent a message to ask her to leave, as her