doesn’t want his wife to work. Her job will be to take care of his house and his children.”
“So she doesn’t feel like she can do anything else or like she has any choices?”
“Exactly, and that’s the problem with the entire thing, no choice. If a person wants to stay at home and take care of a home and family, they should do that. It’s one of the highest callings, in my opinion. But it should be their choice to do so.”
“I agree,” he said.
“The other thing is,” I continued because I was on a roll now. “It also shouldn’t make them a second-class citizen. One person being the one in charge in a relationship should also be a choice, not a role assigned by the gender you were born with. If that’s the way your relationship works because that’s how you and your partner want it, good on you, but if you’re doing it because you feel you’re supposed to…that’s control and abuse.”
“So what do you want?” he asked, stopping me in my tracks.
“What? What do you mean?”
“I know we were talking about your sister, but I’m curious about what you want. What do you choose?”
I wasn’t sure where he was going with this. The way he was watching me while he waited for my answer made this feel like a test. One that I hadn’t studied for and didn’t know the right answers to. “I don’t choose to have someone else control me, that’s for sure. I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime.”
“I didn’t think for a second you were looking for that,” he said with a smirk. "But what about staying home, raising a family? You said those roles shouldn’t be assigned based on gender. Is that something you would choose?”
I took a bite of my food while I thought about what he was asking. Is that something I would want if I had the choice? “I don’t know. I really haven’t ever thought of that as an option. Like my sister, I was raised with a lot of preconceived notions about my role as a man, those are hard to shake entirely, and I did go to school forever to get this degree. But I think if I could work from home and have kids, that might be something I would like. What about you?”
“What part?” he asked.
“All of it, what would you choose?”
“Well, first off, I would choose a partner who wants to be equal in our relationship. I have to make too many decisions at work to be the only one carrying the load at home as well. And the kid thing”—he shrugged—“I wouldn’t want to be a stay-at-home dad. I would go stir crazy, and I really like my job. But I do think that also has to be a partnership, especially if both parents are working. And don’t kid yourself, working from home is still working. I don’t know. Something to think about for sure.”
I picked up an egg roll and stuffed most of it in my mouth to keep words from tumble out. Words like, you don’t have these conversations with someone you aren’t planning a future with, and that yes, I was asking his choices because I was planning a future with him, and was he doing the same, were all right there on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them down with the egg roll. Now was not the time.
“So, umm,” he said, “Speaking of such things, remember how I told you we have Sunday lunch—”
“Linner,” I interrupted. “You said you have linner.”
“Right,” he said, clearing his throat. He looked a little nervous. I’d seen a lot of sides to Roman Barnes. He was fierce and strong, funny, and smart, not to mention sexy as all get out, but nervous was new, and it was kind of cute. “So this week is Sunday linner, and I thought maybe you might want to go.”
I stared at him, shocked. He wanted me to come to his family’s lunch? Like to meet his parents and his brothers? That was something you did when you were serious, right? He’d said he wanted to see where this went, but you didn't take a let’s-see-where-this-goes guy to meet your mother. You took a I’m-thinking-about-a-future guy to meet your family.
“I’m sorry, it’s still early for us, and I know you aren’t out, I mean I trust my family not to tell anyone, but still, that’s a lot to ask, too much even—”