the mini-command center we’d set up for the event just in case either of us won, and because A Righteous Man was almost certainly going to snap up the best picture award, which meant we were both going to have to make a digital appearance as well. While he and I hadn’t had much luck winning until tonight, Heinrich and the film hadn’t suffered the same fate. Heinrich won for best director across the board when he was nominated, and the film took home the best picture more often than not. It was definitely the darling this awards season, so Salinger and I had adapted to the digital format of acceptance speeches and red carpets.
Salinger moved to stand behind me, bouncing our baby up and down in his strong, tattooed arms as he started to get fussy. Thirteen-month-old Frost Hemingway Dolan immediately reached for my hair, filling his tiny fists with the dark strands.
“Do you regret not getting dressed up and having your hair and makeup done?” Salinger handed the baby over to me and bent to kiss the crown of my head to soothe the sore spot where the baby pulled my hair. “Never thought you’d accept an Oscar barefaced wearing sweatpants.”
I laughed a little and made a funny face at my little boy, which made him giggle and clap his hands together. I’d actually been holding him when they announced I was the winner through the live feed. I was pretty sure the broadcast kept showing us because my boy was the cutest, and not because there was any particular interest in what Salinger and I looked like on an average night at home. Our little boy, who was named after Robert Frost as a nod to his father’s unusual moniker, was a budding superstar. People were more interested in him than they were in Salinger and me. Partly because he was adorable, but more because I’d kept my pregnancy under tight wraps and limited any and all access to my child. There were no public pictures of him until after he was one. We didn’t even share his name with the public until he was older.
I understood the curiosity, but there were parts of my life I refused to share with both fans and haters alike. Salinger and I made protecting the little boy our top priority, but now that he was a bit older and we’d been stuck at home for so long, it was harder to keep him insulated as our professional and private lives clashed in our home more often than not.
I knew many of our fellow nominees got dressed up and treated the digital event like the real thing, but I didn’t want to. Not just because I didn’t think I was going to win, but because it was rare to give an audience a peek into my real life. On a big night like Oscar night, it took a team of people to get Salinger and me ready and out the door. It made no sense for us to do that, or bring that many people into our home when pretty much everyone in the entire world was trying to limit contact and make the best out of a bad situation.
Besides, our little family was beautiful with or without all the flash. Salinger looked just as good in his torn jeans and faded t-shirt as he did in a tuxedo.
Actually, he looked better because the tuxedo covered up all the artwork that decorated his skin.
And I knew it didn’t matter if I was dressed to the nines like I stepped off a runway, or if I was dressed like I hadn’t moved from my spot on the couch for days, Salinger would think I was beautiful and wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off me. Even when I was pregnant and suddenly very self-conscious about our age difference and our different life stages, or because my hormones were raging and I was scared out of my mind something would happen to the baby, he worked himself to death to show me that he only had eyes for me and prove that he wanted me no matter what.
While I was playing with the baby, my phone started blowing up. I was sure they were all messages of congratulations for winning.
I was officially a Best Actress now.
No longer the black sheep.
No longer the comeback queen.
It was a nice feeling, but nothing was better than holding my little boy in my arms while his