ask, confused because despite what I feel growing for Jennings, I wouldn’t say my life’s been lacking. Quite the contrary, I’ve had Kevin. I’ve been the one who’s been blessed.
“You have a chance at a once-in-a-lifetime love that…” Maris starts before I interrupt.
“Technically, it would be twice,” I correct her, much to Rainey and Meadow’s amusement.
She rolls her eyes before gripping my shoulders. “Fine, Ms. Technicality, twice-in-a-lifetime love. Most people don’t have the ability for the first; don’t waste this gift on old fears, Kara.”
“I agree,” Meadow jumps in. “We’ve been hoping this would happen.” I jerk my head in her direction, but not before hers ducks. There’s something off with her, but Rainey just shakes her head. Mentally, I shrug. Maybe in time.
But that just reminds me of what I don’t have. Time.
“I’m terrified,” I admit to my friends. And I jerk against Maris when I realize, despite the years, Jed gave me this back too—a sisterhood of women who understand the call this wild land has on your soul. And the grip of the men whose hearts match it. Both are so compelling, it’s impossible to separate one from the other, I think with a bit of sadness as I explain.
“Where can this go? We’ll be going across the country from each other again at the end of the summer. I have a job; Kevin has school.” And the weight of that wants to crush every moment of joy I feel with Jennings because it’s what happened all those years ago being played out all over again. This time, though, I’m the one holding back and being practical in the face of love.
“You’re not dead,” Maris snaps. “He’s alive and so are you. The rest are just excuses.”
I gasp at the harshness of her words.
“While how Maris said it is brutal—” Rainey glares at her, but her voice softens. “—she’s not wrong, Kara. You’ve both been existing—why not live?”
“Because living eventually leads to dying.” The words are torn from me. Everyone around me freezes. “If I don’t give in to this, if I don’t love him, I don’t have to worry about when it’s going to…”
“Wind up in a twenty-two-car pileup? Even if that’s only in your heart?” Maris wraps her arms around me immediately. “God, honey. I’m so sorry. I’ve been so selfish grieving, I just assumed you were too.”
“I am. Jennings is helping.” Knowing faces beam at me from different directions. They’re all wearing different smiles from sweet to outright smirks when I clarify, “He’s listened to me and Kevin talk about Dean and Jed; it’s been good for all of us.”
“And here I thought she was going to mention the fact the sleepovers I was so generous to offer with Kevin were helping.” Maris’s lips twitch.
I punch her as Rainey and Meadow laugh. Then, why not? “No, that’s not hurting by any stretch of the imagination, but honest to God?” They all nod, and I let out a sigh. “How am I going to deal with leaving a second time with his son?”
Rainey steps forward and puts her hand over my heart. “Can I offer you some advice?” Without waiting for a response, she goes on. “Let this guide you instead of your head. If you do, it will lead you wherever you’re supposed to be. And that’s especially true with Jennings.”
I nod, too overwhelmed to speak.
But someone else isn’t.
“Listen! If the cheering squad is going to put on a show like that, this match is going to end sooner rather than later!” Brad yells across the yard right before he flings the Frisbee into Jennings’s chest.
Jennings doesn’t bother to catch it. It plunks heedlessly to the ground because he’s stalking toward me, a predatory look on his face.
Listen to my heart, Rainey said. Without thinking, I take off in his direction at a jog. He picks up his pace until soon we meet in the middle where he circles my waist with his arms and swings me around in a circle. I laugh, heedless of the cheers from the girls which are undoubtedly louder for this display than any the guys did while playing.
“Jennings? What are you doing? Get back here!” Brad yells as all of the kids swarm him from all directions chanting, “Forfeit! Forfeit!”
“Give it up!” Jennings yells back. For my ears only, he murmurs, “I’ve already got the things I need to make me feel like a man.”
Reaching up, I quickly brush my lips against Jennings when I hear Kevin yell,