pours the clear liquid down his throat like it’s water. “The question is are you going to waste it?”
“I don’t even know where to start. I need help,” I admit.
Nick claps slowly. “It takes some of us longer to learn than others.”
I throw him the middle finger before I turn to the one couple whose love I’ve been constantly exposed to that has lasted no matter what has come along to try to fuck it up. “What do I do?”
Brad goes to open his mouth, but before he can speak, Rainey reaches up and clamps his lips together. Holding them together like they’re a duck, she speaks. “What does she want you to do?”
“Wait.” Frustrated, I push myself to my feet and step over Kody to pace. “She wants me to wait until she talks to our son to explain everything. But I want to know everything about him.”
Brad bats Rainey’s hand away. “Where are the emails Kara sent you?”
“Hold on.” Moving into the foyer, I grab my overnight duffle. I pull out the emails and hand them over. As Kody lights up the room with his snoring, Brad reads one, then passes it to Rainey, who passes it to Nick.
Finally, it’s Nick who speaks. “How long are emails kept?”
“I don’t know, why?’ I answer.
He shoves a printout under my nose. “Because, you moron, Kara attached files to these. Maybe there’s a way to get to know your son without having to wait.”
Immediately, I turn to Brad. “Can I use your computer?”
“Up the stairs. Second door on the right. Password to my login is ‘Lumb3rjack!’”
Nick snickers, but I don’t waste any time until I hear Rainey call my name. “Yes?” I pause with my foot on the bottom step.
She bites her lip worriedly. “You’re anxious. I get that; I would be too. But if I can be honest?”
“Always,” I encourage her.
“Kara’s not the same woman she was all those years ago. From an emotional standpoint, she’s light-years ahead of you. It’s part of motherhood. So, please listen. Focus on her words and what she’s saying,” Rainey pleads. “It was unintentional, but life hasn’t been easy. The charm you won her with the first time isn’t going to work now—either with her or her son.”
“What will?” I ask starkly.
Rainey’s expression is helpless. “I don’t know. But if at the cornerstone isn’t faith and trust, you’ll never know what it really means to be a father.”
Before I leave, I admit my true regret to all of them. “I wish I’d let Jed talk me down to Florida well before now.”
“It’s always easier to look back and wish time back,” Nick says quietly. For the briefest moment, the demons that live deep within my friend surface. “But unfortunately we can’t. All we can do is move on, however life lets us.”
I nod before heading upstairs to be alone with Kara and, hopefully, my son.
There are well over forty thousand emails sitting in my webmail account. “I suppose I should be grateful it’s not higher,” I say with disgust as I delete another batch before moving on to another. Another click deletes hundreds of messages.
It takes me another hour until I’m left with twenty-nine messages from Kara’s different email accounts spanning ten years. I’m so damn grateful this freaking free mail server keeps messages as long as your account is considered valid and that I kept up with all my required password changes that would hit my legitimate email address. I just wish I had bothered to scan the messages that were waiting, but I didn’t think there was anything important waiting for me.
If I only knew.
My fist clenched at my side, I click on the first message I see from Kara in October almost sixteen years ago. It’s simple and to the point.
Jennings,
This is the second time I’ve tried to email you. I’ve also tried to call you, but I’m not certain if you recognize the number. To be honest, I don’t know if I have the right number. I no longer have my cell phone. I’ve left messages, but I’m not certain if you’re checking them. It’s imperative you contact me as soon as you can.
Thank you,
Kara
I grit my teeth, realizing the first message must have fallen off the server. “Hell, I should be grateful this many are still here.” Scanning the message, I see she left me a number with a 904 area code and her address. Broodingly, I contemplate the screen. Would I have known? With Kara’s direct, no-nonsense email,