the doctor says, “The head’s crowning. I think one more big push will get the head out!”
It’s then I hear him, and the tears roll unchecked down my face. Do you remember the last time we did this? God, you were so brave and strong then, Kara, even if you wanted to emasculate Jennings. Now? Getting to watch you do this with him at your side? Just know I’m so proud of you, my beautiful sister. And I’ll always love you. Sobbing, I reach for Jennings’s hand beneath my thigh and grip it. “If it’s a boy, it’s Jedidiah Dean. If it’s a girl, it’s Deana Smith. Deal?” We hadn’t talked about names, but hearing my brother in my head in this precious moment solidified what I instinctively knew.
They’d live on in the child Jennings and I made together.
Jennings bends down and whispers, “Deal. Now push so we can find out which one it is.”
My eyes flicker to Maris to find hers wet. “I love you, sister. Find your happy.”
“Damnit, Kara, will you push the baby out so I can?” she cries.
And with a push that gets the head out, I listen to the incredible beauty of a cry that started years ago in the Alaskan wild. Another push gets the shoulders out, a final one has the baby landing in the doctor’s arms. I lie back as the doctor murmurs. Nurses scurry around as Jennings strokes my hair, his eyes locked on our baby. Then, finally, words I’ve waited forever to hear are spoken.
The doctor turns to Jennings and says, “Would you like to hold your daughter?”
Jennings is a wreck when he accepts the tiny bundle against his chest. Tears streak down his face as he looks down at the wrinkled face that will grow into a combination of all of us. “Welcome to the world, Deana. I’m your daddy.”
The air that was just sucked out of my lungs may be lost forever hearing the man I love saying that. But who needs it anyway? I’d rather live on the love pumping through my heart.
The love John Jennings gives to me every day.
I turn to Maris and weakly smile. “Now, will you go tell Kevin we just added a daughter to our family?”
“With pleasure.” Leaning over to press a kiss to my still-damp forehead, she whispers, “Remember when I asked if you’d ever really got over what you felt for Jennings?”
I think back to that early night in Alaska after we all arrived so close to Dean and Jed’s passings. Jennings had just kissed me again for the first time, and I was confused—no, terrified—of falling for the only man who ever truly made my heart soar. “Of course I remember.”
“I don’t think that will ever change, do you?” She nods to where Jennings is cooing at our daughter despite the nurses’ attempts to corral him to have her weighed and fingerprinted.
A huge smile bursts across my face. “No. Nothing about the feelings I have for Jennings will change. Of that, I’m certain.”
And while Maris leaves to go let everyone know the news, I sit back to indulge in watching the new addition of our family wrap her father around her tiny finger. After all, it took exactly the same amount of time for her big brother to do the same, and he was much older when he met his dad for the first time.
As fatigue causes my eyes to drift shut, I can only imagine what Jennings is going to be like when Deana is Kevin’s age. Giggling at the thought as I drift off, I never know my husband’s tender look switches from our daughter to me when I do.
Three days after the birth of our daughter, I pull up my email. Taking a deep breath, I start a new message. I read it over and over, making sure each word is perfect before I hit Send.
A few moments later, Jennings’s phone pings. Pulling it out of his pocket, he opens the message before his head snaps in my direction. “What on earth? Kara?” Confusion is written across his face.
“I told you, Ace. Every step of the way.” I cradle Deana to my breast as a dawning understanding crosses Jennings’s face as he receives the first of the emails I’ll send him as our daughter has the same milestones our son did so Jennings doesn’t miss a moment.
I brush my lips across our daughter’s head as I recall what I typed.
Jennings,
God, here we go for the second