can hear the faint echo of a girls’ volleyball game in progress but there is still an overwhelming sense of loneliness in the school. I shiver as I button up my jacket and outside the sun is already beginning to dip below the horizon as the calendar has nearly reached the shortest day of the year.
The bus arrives right on schedule and I’m relieved to see the evening shift driver has taken over because he just stares straight ahead, never appears to recognize anyone, and certainly doesn’t try to carry on a conversation. The other passengers are all unfamiliar and all minding their own business so I’m free to drop into a seat and dully watch the darkening landscape zoom past. The dread and anger I’ve been trying to hold at bay rises sharply when I see the bright sign for Dee’s Gas and Goods. If Ben and I were a normal couple I would have texted him hours ago to demand an explanation but we are not a normal couple and really not even a couple at all so I don’t have his cell phone number.
The gas pumps are not busy and I see Ben behind the counter with no customers in sight. He looks up when I charge right in.
“WHY?”
Ben just stares at me, his expression flat. He’s a Ben Beltran mask. There’s no telling what goes on underneath.
“WHY, BEN?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “Why WHAT, Camden?”
I have to take a breath or I’ll start crying. “Why in the hell did you decide to brag to the whole goddamn cafeteria that we’d hooked up?”
And then, just for a split second, his dark eyes widen with alarm. The flash of emotion vanishes as quickly as it arrived. “That’s not what happened.”
“Yes it is! You did exactly what you promised me you wouldn’t. You’re not stupid enough to believe I wouldn’t find out. You just didn’t care.”
He hops over the counter and closes the distance between us. “Look, if you can calm down for a second and quit drama queening it up all over the place I can explain.”
I take a step back. “Nothing you say now can excuse what you did. You said I could trust you, Ben. That I needed to trust you. You lied! I think you lie all the time.”
His jaw works and his eyes narrow into a glare. “Okay, let’s talk about lies. Hey Camden, remember when you looked me in the eye and said you haven’t been spying on me? And then I find out you’ve been trying to extract secondhand information from my friends.”
I roll my eyes. “Now who’s being a drama queen? I talked to Trina about asking her boyfriend some questions and I did that before we got together. Not exactly a Mission Impossible quest.”
“Kent wanted to know why the hell you were asking questions behind my back like you’re some kind of pompous ass New York Times reporter instead of a clueless schoolgirl. And when he told me, it kind of pissed me off. You should know better than to fuck with other people’s lives.”
“So you figured you’d get even by telling anyone in earshot about how we hooked up?”
He rakes a hand through his hair and exhales loudly, as if dealing with me is beyond annoying. “Kent took a guess that there must be something happening between us.”
“And you didn’t correct him.”
“Should I have lied? Thought you had a problem with lying.”
“I have a problem with you boasting to your sports buddies that we fucked around.”
“We didn’t fuck around, Camden. I got you off. You got me off too. It’s not a big deal.”
“I’m delighted to hear that it meant nothing to you.”
“I didn’t say that for fuck’s sake.” He shakes his head in disgust. “You know that if I was only out for a good time then I could have finished taking it from you the other night.”
I swallow. “That’s not true.”
He snorts out a laugh. “No? I’d bet my left nut that once I made you come you were ready to let me fuck you bareback right there on the bench.”
“You arrogant son of a bitch! You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I’m outraged mostly because I know he’s right. If Ben had kept going I wouldn’t have stopped him. I’m ashamed of myself. I’m even more ashamed that he’s aware of the truth.
I hold my head up and will my tears away. “You made me believe that I could trust you. And now I’m sure that