for him.
No.
Come back.
Please.
“Jesus, Brie,” Noah said, finally at a breaking point. He reached up to pull me off the stage as the song faded into silence, but his hands around my hips weren’t the right hands. His chastising tone wasn’t the right tone.
“What were you thinking?” he asked, his voice clouded in lust and anger. “That’s not like you.”
I frowned.
He was wrong. That person up on stage, the girl brushing her hands down her body and begging to be touched? That was only version of myself I didn’t have to second-guess.
I looked for Erik as Noah pulled me through the crowd, turning my head and scanning the room for blackness. I needed another glimpse of him, one more moment to convince myself he’d actually shown up. The bar was too crowded, too dark. I whipped my head from left to right, convinced I’d somehow missed him. Maybe he was waiting for me at the bar or in a dark corner of the room.
Noah kept tugging me forward until chilly night air washed over me. Lexi was waiting for us outside on the curb and as soon as she saw me, she broke out in a wide grin.
“YOU WERE AMAZING!” she cheered, ripping me out of Noah’s grasp and spinning me in a circle around her.
Noah scoffed, but I let Lexi’s praise wash over me.
“You’ve got moves, my friend,” she said, gripping my hips and pushing them into a wide circle.
I smiled and glanced over her shoulder, catching a flash of black hair a few yards ahead of us.
My stomach clenched as I caught sight of Erik just before he disappeared into the back seat of a cab.
“Brie?”
My smile slowly faded as he reached out and yanked the door closed behind him. He really was there.
So then why is he leaving without me?
“Brie, the cab is waiting for us.” I was vaguely aware of Lexi talking to me as I watched his cab pull away from the curb. “We should really get back to the village since we have practice early.”
She pushed me toward our own cab and talked my ear off about my dancing, about how everyone had “FREAKED OUT” when I’d climbed on stage. I wasn’t paying attention to her. I was too busy staring out at the dark night and wishing it had ended differently.
“That club was insane,” she said, jostling my arm to get my attention. “It really felt like we were in hell, didn’t it?”
I nodded. More than I care to admit. I’d been intoxicated in the moment, dancing for the devil himself, and now that it was over, I felt nothing but burned.
Chapter Thirty
Brie
It was easy to blame Erik for the darkness I felt when I was near him, but my fantasies were all my own. He wasn’t poisoning the well; he was drawing from it. At times, I wondered if he knew me better than I knew myself. It felt like he’d split open my chest and pulled out my heart, watching it beat for him—only him. We didn’t know the little things about one another. He couldn’t say how I took my coffee or which cereal I preferred in the morning, but he spoke my body’s language as if he’d spent years studying it. I’d only been around him for a little over a month, and yet I couldn’t fathom the idea of living without him.
After the Olympics were over, I’d get on a plane back to Texas and I’d slink back into my old life—well, my new old life. I’d spend time with my mom, find a part-time job, and apply to college. I’d smile at boys my own age and attempt to date, deluding myself into thinking they could ever measure up to Erik. No one could give me what he gave me.
Freedom.
Just the night before, Noah had freaked out when I took that stage. To him, it was wrong, unchaste, and out of character, but Erik understood that character is never absolute, and it was useless to try to cap the well of darkness once I’d unearthed it.
I smoothed a hand over my chest, feeling the ache there. I wanted him in a way that hurt, and the more I let myself consider life without him, the worse I felt. After the games, he would also return to his old life. In Seattle. I forced myself to picture the women he’d bring back to his house, the lucky ones who’d make it up to his bed. Jealousy burned through me