inside his heart and soul, into the darkness he kept siphoned off. He had to reach the parts of him that he had locked away and tried to forget. These parts were not so easily forgotten—there his ‘demons’ resided, the demons he claimed lived in his blood. They were not demons, I knew, but echoes from his past that he tried and failed to silence. Yet they would not ever be silenced until he met them head on. Until he forgave himself for things that were out of his control. Maybe then, I would get my Flame back. Maybe then, I would get my husband back. Maybe then, he could become the father I knew he could be.
My heart clenched in my chest. My plan had to work. It had to. I would not accept any other alternative. Flame gripped my hand as though he could sense my inner fears. His fingers trembled around mine. It brought a lump to my throat and a quick stinging to my eyes. I did not want to see Flame go through any more pain. But to be free of his burdens, such pain had to be endured. Blood had to be cleansed to heal an infected wound. “Are you ready?” I asked quietly, a quivering voice betraying my trepidation.
Flame nodded once, trusting with everything he held dear that I would not hurt him. In this moment, I hated myself. Because here I was, leading him straight into the fire. But as always, I would be beside him. Together we would burn and, in the very depths of the inferno, we would be reborn.
I led Flame to the door. Before we stepped outside, I turned to him. “AK and Viking will be coming with us.” Flame’s nostrils flared, but not in anger. His face did not show any expression. But I could tell by the way he pulled me closer, as though I were a human shield, it was in fear. As though he would prefer to stay in our cabin, just him and me, no one else near. I kissed the back of his hand and I saw the hairs on his arms stand up at the touch. Flame had always been my shield. Now, I would be his. I would be the protector for both of us in this battle, while he was wounded. And I intended to save him. I would bring him home, changed for the better.
I opened the door. The warm Austin sun shined down on the clearing defined by the three cabins. I closed my eyes as the bright rays bathed my face. The bright light filled me with—hope, determination, and the belief that this would work. It must work. Viking jumped up from the chair he was sitting in outside his cabin. Flame held my hand so tightly it hurt when his friend moved. I faced Flame and ran my hand over his chest. “Everything will be okay, baby. I promise. No one will hurt you. We all love you.”
“Flame!” Viking called from behind me. I guided Flame out into the communal clearing. Viking stopped before us. “Flame. You doing good, brother? Been fucking worried about you, man.” Viking smiled, waiting for Flame’s response. His smile fell when Flame stared at the ground and he gave no answer, no indication that he had even heard him. I watched confusion wash over Viking’s face. He looked to me. I gave him a sad smile. Flame was not yet the man we knew, a shell of his former self. But he would be whole again soon.
He will be soon…
“Flame.” AK approached us from his cabin. He had spoken quietly, just enough to let Flame hear his voice, but delicately enough that Flame was not surprised. AK was more careful with his approach. I studied Flame’s best friend as he came closer. I saw the moment he noticed Flame’s sunken shoulders, with his hand wrapped tightly around mine. Flame showed no expression on his face, which masked his feelings. AK’s feelings, however, could not be concealed. He looked to me as Flame focused on the ground. I was not sure Flame was even listening to any of this. I believed he had simply placed himself at an emotional distance from his friends.
The pain in AK’s eyes was so profound, it made my aching chest grow even tighter with sadness. In the past, AK had always been the person who saved Flame, the person who had freed Flame from the hospital