when the pain was stronger than last time. “MADDIE!” Flame cried and held onto me. I sagged after the contraction. He held me up in his strong arms.
“I am well,” I assured him. When I met his gaze, the fear written on his face was my undoing. “Flame, we spoke of this. The pain that comes with labor. Remember?”
“I fucking can’t stand to see you in pain,” Flame said through gritted teeth. I moved to sit on the bed. Flame never let me go. “I don’t want to see you in pain,” he repeated. His cheeks lost their color and my heart broke at the stark fear in his stare.
Taking his hand, I pressed it over my stomach. “Our baby is coming, Flame. Our baby is coming…”
“Maddie…” He too looked in pain.
“It will get worse before it gets better,” I told him. I pressed my hand to his cheek. “Before our baby comes, the pain will get worse.” I lowered his hand to rest over my heart. “But it will be worth it,” I assured, and let my head lower to meet Flame’s. “It will be so very worth it.”
Flame looked around the room, his eyes lost and fraught. I always knew this would difficult for him. The labor. Flame was never going to handle well my being in pain. We just needed to get through this. He would be fine when we got through this, I tried to convince myself.
*****
Sweat rolled into my eyes. I felt the bed was wet beneath me. I breathed the rhythm Ruth panted out from beside me. Flame held onto my hand. He was distraught. I cried out when pain consumed me, when my head rolled back, and I needed the pain to end. “That is it, Maddie,” Ruth said with conviction. I felt her move to the bottom of the bed and examine me. “Ten centimeters, Maddie! You can push soon. Your baby will be here very soon.”
I gasped, searching for breath as the contraction slowly subsided. I rolled my head in Flame’s direction. His eyes were wide. He was lost and I could see the panic on his face. “Maddie,” he whispered and laid his head on my arm. “Don’t die. You can’t die. Don’t die.” Tears seeped from the side of my eyes. He did not understand what was happening. Labor confused him. My pain confused him. His greatest fears were stabbing at his heart. His skin had broken out in a sweat, his lips and skin were white.
“I am here,” I whispered. I was tired, so tired. It had been hours, many hours of pain. Flame had never left my side, his hand always in mine. But knew he was sinking. His fears were overwhelming his spirit.
Mae pressed a cold washcloth to my head. “Ready to push, Maddie?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said with determination and kissed Flame’s hand. “I love you,” I confirmed and offered my husband a weak smile. “I love you so much.”
“Maddie,” he whispered back.
When the sudden urge to push became strong I looked to Ruth. “Now,” I said. “I have to push.”
Ruth moved to the bottom of the bed. “Let us meet your baby,” she pronounced, and I clutched Flame’s hand to my chest.
“Our baby, Flame,” I said. “Our baby…” Flame followed the path of my body to Ruth. His breathing was too fast, and his nervous gaze flitted around the room, thankfully it always landed back on me.
“Ready?” Sister Ruth asked. Taking a deep breath I pushed. Over the next hour I pushed until I felt drained of energy. Flame had gone silent beside me.
“I cannot,” I whispered, my voice broken.
“This is the final push, Maddie. I see the baby clearly,” Ruth said. Mae held my other hand.
“One more push, Maddie and your baby will be here. This is it. Just one more push.” Looking into Flame’s eyes, I took a deep breath and pushed. I gasped as I felt my baby being born. Flame’s lips were parted but he was numb. In truth he had been numb for a while. His mind was protecting him from the pain he felt on seeing me in discomfort.
I focused on Ruth and my baby in her arms. “A girl,” Ruth announced, checking her tiny body, cutting the cord and wiping her skin. “You have a baby girl.” A rush of happiness, so magnificent, washed through me and left me breathless. I cried out in elation, happiness pouring forth from my mouth, into the sacred air around us.