my mouth with my hand. Why does God hate me?
“Hell no. She and Arthur had a thing until he found out she was married. She’s a bit—”
“Emotionally unstable?” I ask, wanting to smile but I don’t. It’s not cool to mock someone’s mental health. Even Elaine’s.
“I was going to say manipulative.”
“Thank you.” I couldn’t agree more.
“Anyway, I’m glad you have all this teleconferencing figured out. I was hoping to do a Zoom with my friends over Christmas.”
“You have friends?” I’m only half kidding. He rarely speaks about much beyond work.
“I do.” He narrows his gaze. “And they want to meet you.”
“On Zoom?” My tone suggests I’m not into this. Which is because I’m not into this.
“Yeah, is that all right?” he asks as he walks closer, wrapping himself around me.
“It’s awesome.” I force a smile.
“You are the worst liar.” He kisses me softly. “But on to the important things, it’s my turn to make dinner. Any requests?”
A sly smile flashes across my lips.
“You want to skip dinner again?” he asks, visibly amused.
I take his hand in mine and walk him to my bedroom.
Chapter 46
December 24
Unknown location
Lights flash behind my eyes.
I don’t know where I am.
This is new.
“Lil,” voices call me from the darkness.
“Lil, wake up, please.”
“We love you. Please don’t leave us.”
“Lil, I’ve always loved you. Please come back to me.”
But I can’t open my eyes.
I’m still underwater.
Something touches my hand. I squeeze.
“Oh my God, they’re wrong. She’s going to live. She’s waking up! She moved,” my sister shouts.
“Lilly, can you hear us?” Dad asks. It must be bad, he never says my name.
I cling to whatever is touching my hand. Desperate to wake up. To find the light. I think I’ve been here for a long time, too long. My body feels like it doesn’t know me anymore. And it’s tired. It wants to go back to the water.
But I don’t give in. I explore every bit of the dark until I find my eyes. It takes several attempts before I come close to batting my lashes.
When I do, I surface and the light of the room comes in choppy like a kaleidoscope.
Is this the waiting room again?
“Hey,” my sister says softly. She squeezes my hand, making me realize it was her I was touching. I blink. My lashes are stuck together and my eyes are weak.
I want to talk but I can’t. My mouth has something in it. I move my tongue and realize that’s what it is. My tongue feels funny, thick and lazy.
Dry.
It’s dry and I’m parched.
Everything burns.
Where’s the water?
I blink again and my eyes try to focus.
“Stay with me, Lil,” Liz says. “I’m here.”
I can’t remember anything.
How did I get here?
Desperate to wake and get answers, I blink again, struggling hard and separating my lashes.
She’s there.
Here.
Maybe she’s underwater with me.
Liz is a shape. A shadow.
It takes everything for my eyes to clear.
It’s exhausting and I can’t get my breath.
“Stay calm,” she says softly. Her words whisper across my cheeks.
I blink again and it clears. I see her. We’re not underwater at all.
“Hi,” she says, tears streaming her cheeks. It’s just her. I swear there were others. My dad. My mom. Shawnee. Sam, maybe.
But it’s just us.
The room is dark, barely lit at all.
Other sounds trickle in. Beeps and clicks and air coming from somewhere.
“You’re okay,” Liz whispers. “You’ve been asleep for a while.” She’s lying.
“How—long?” I whisper and it hurts. A lot.
“A while,” she says. “You had a stroke from the concussion. And your poor brain was already struggling with that cyst.” She’s speaking words but I don’t know what they mean. I can separate them and know them apart but together the sentence makes no sense.
Her words and my effort are too much.
I’m tired. I close my eyes and the lovely darkness calls me back to it.
“Stay with me, Lil,” Liz whispers.
But I can’t.
I know that now.
The water is better.
“She’s awake!” Liz is loud.
“Lil?” Sam’s voice echoes as I dunk below the surface again. “Lil?”
“She was awake. She asked how long and what happened.” Liz sounds funny. Desperate. “Why is she falling back to sleep? Should we wake her up?”
“Coma patients can take weeks to wake up. She’s likely been waking for a while now.” Sam touches my hand. But it’s weird., like he’s reached down into the water to find me “Lil, can you hear me?”
I can.
“Come back to me,” he whispers against my cheek.
But the water is nice. It’s calm and warm and there’s a light. It doesn’t hurt my eyes. It