but the tacos are amazing too.
Sam sits on the other side of me. His body is warm, and the subtle smell of his cologne hits the right and wrong places.
And again, my hearts whispers, What if?
It’s my birthday after all.
If you’re going to pine after a sexy ex, what better day to do it than your birthday?
But my mind shuts it down with a firm question that kills all desire, What if he knew the truth?
Chapter 11
January 29
Cancun, Mexico
“I still can’t believe you went,” Shawnee says into her phone’s camera. She looks angrier than she sounds.
“I paid for the ticket and it was non-refundable. Almost two thousand dollars. Do you know how many hours at work that is? Anyway, the reason I called is this Covid thing is getting serious. Are you coming home early?” I ask, staring at her through Facetime.
“I might be. Thailand has confirmed cases now. It’s a matter of time before the rest of Asia has them.” She winces. “I just hate not finishing, but if they lock countries down, that’s it. Is Elaine being mean?”
“No. She’s being nice to me. Which is worse. It’s unnerving.”
“She knows you know. You could tell Brent and ruin her. What about Rod? Is he noticing you don’t want him to touch you or be near him?”
“I don’t think so. We haven’t had sex in a long time so it’s become the norm. But the ever-dutiful husband act hasn’t ended since we arrived here.” The whole thing is exhausting. Even on vacation where I’ve managed to avoid him more than I expected.
“The dutiful husband act, I wish I could see that.”
“It’s pathetic. I don’t care. You would be proud; I talked to Liz and James about their apartment in the city. I’m going to look at it when we get home.”
“Oh my God, it’s happening. It’s real. You’re leaving!” She is far too excited about this.
“I am. Though I’ve continued hunting for evidence a bit. Last week I heard him in the garage talking on the phone. I pressed my video on my phone to record it. He was talking about fucking her in Cancun. I thought I had him but I replayed it and I’d recorded in time-lapse.”
“Jesus, save me from this.” She pinches her nose. “Can you please leave this man before I have an aneurysm?”
“I’m working on it,” I say. “Can we stop talking about it?”
“Fine.” Shawnee forces a smile on her face. “Happy birthday! I can’t believe you’re friggin' thirty-seven.”
The number feels enormous and weighted like a blanket that drags me down with all the expectation I had for myself by this age.
“Oh my God. We’re old. Can you please come home?” I ask, changing the subject. “This Covid is scaring me. I don’t want you stuck there or getting sick. Especially not at our age.”
“Thirty-seven is the new twenty. But yes, I’ll figure it out this week and let you know. I love you.”
“I love you too!” I blow her a kiss and she catches it.
We end the call and my brain circles like a vulture over its prey.
Thirty-seven.
Almost forty.
Almost separated.
Still twenty pounds overweight.
No kids.
No pets.
The weighted blanket is sitting on my chest when my sister calls with a Facetime message a few minutes later.
“Hey,” I answer, putting on my happy birthday face.
“I know I already said happy birthday earlier, but Dad and I were at the Home Depot after dinner tonight. And he ran into this lady he used to work with. Tina?”
“I don’t know her.” This is a weird thing to call all the way to Mexico for.
“Anyway, Dad asks how she is and she says she’s getting a divorce. She caught her wife cheating, something to do with an app.”
“An app?” I ask.
“Yeah. Tina was snooping on her wife’s phone and found this weird app she didn’t recognize. She tried to hack it but couldn’t get in. Being a cop, she was sneaky and used her sleeping wife’s thumb to open it and sure enough it was this whole other dashboard.”
“What?” My happy face is gone and my heart is in a vice again.
“Yup. It’s a secret dashboard where all her phone calls, pictures, and everything related to the number of the wife’s girlfriend went. It was locked behind this secret dashboard in the app.”
“Sneaky,” I say, contemplating that.
“Which I will bet is why you haven’t found anything. Rod and Elaine use one of these apps. Apparently, there are a dozen of them.”
“That makes sense. That’s why he offered me his phone