with her and left her pregnant. A mess he had to clean up. Your baby he said.” I hate those words, knowing what James said. That Sam is sterile.
“He lied!” he blurts. Rage flickers in his eyes but a haunted expression takes its place. “I’ve never gotten anyone pregnant in my life.” His voice breaks and I hate myself and his dad and this story.
Seeing the raw pain on his face is more than I can take. I blink and tears stream my cheeks. The words fall from my lips, “He offered me money, said he would pay for my university so I didn’t end up being the next girl you ruined the life of. I got angry and asked him to leave. He said I was forcing you to choose between your family and me. Because if you chose me over them, they would disown you. And they wouldn’t pay for medical school.” I wipe my face and hate myself for being so stupid. “Liz was there. She was sleeping in my bed, drunk from the night before. She heard the whole thing. She wanted me to tell you what had happened.”
“But you decided to let my dad choose for me?” He hates me too.
“No!” I snap. “I decided not to ruin the relationship you had with your family and get you disowned. We’d dated for two months, Sam. And not really dating. We both said it was a summer thing,” I say and pause, not wanting to continue in this direction.
“I loved you! Goddammit, I still love you.”
Those words finish me but I offer what I have for an excuse, “I was twenty years old and stupid. I believed your dad when he said I was blue-collar trash who would end your relationship with them.”
There’s nothing else to say so I stare at him and hope he sees how it happened.
“I can’t fucking believe this.” He blows past me, leaving me standing in the garden.
Fifteen years later and the truth doesn’t set me free or provide a sense of release. Instead, I’m numb and cold and the regret I’ve had over it all is heavier than ever.
2020 just keeps slapping harder and harder.
Chapter 25
April 4
The spring day is cold as I walk up to the hospital to meet James with a stack of clothes for him and her.
He comes out the front doors with a bright expression on his face.
“Well?” I ask when we’re close enough.
“She’s doing great. It’s placenta previa. She’s bleeding but she and the baby will be all right. More bed rest and a C-section in just under six weeks. I talked to her doctor. She’ll be fine, I promise. It’s honestly such a relief. How’s the house and cats?”
“Good. Mom and Dad are staying at your place now. Mom’s cleaning. Dad’s probably washing all your vehicles and servicing them. The pets are amazing. Kids are busy living their best life,” I say, trying to stay positive. I hate Liz being in the hospital.
“And how are you?”
“Good. Romeo is settled in nicely. He’s ruling the roost. He loves the window seat. He sits there and chirps at the birds. If I leave, he runs to the door when I come home. He’s so happy.” I laugh and hand him the bag of clothes and toiletries. “Here.”
“You’re a lifesaver.”
“I know what it’s like to be with Liz when she’s not wearing deodorant.” I wrinkle my nose.
“Yeah, I don’t know how such a small and adorable creature can smell like that.”
“Skunks. So cute and so stinky. Makes no sense. It’s what I used to call her to bug her. Skunk.” I lean against the bench outside and grin. “How long are they going to keep her?”
“Two more days and she’s allowed to go home.” He winces. “But no stairs. No lifting her legs. No exertion.”
“She might need to come stay with me after all,” I offer.
“Yeah, maybe.” He doesn’t sound fond of that option. “At least you have a doctor next door. That would be a bonus.”
“Yeah, we haven’t met yet. He left some wine basket in the hallway for me, thanking me for the TV. Has good taste in wine.” I lift my eyebrows. “Who knows, maybe he’s my soul mate.”
James and I both laugh. He’s probably laughing because he doesn’t think I have a soul mate. Whereas I’m questioning whether I have a soul at all. There has to be a reason I’m this unlucky. And I did drug someone with ketamine.
“That poor guy. He