whole thing. I know Layne didn’t mean to do what he did with jumping, but he made the choice not to get help for his depression.”
“Depression isn’t an easy thing to self-diagnose, and it’s a word with many connotations. You can be depressed because your favorite show was cancelled, or because your preferred soccer team lost the Territory Cup. But clinical depression is a much different animal. Do you think Layne’s actions were in any way malicious or intended to cause harm?”
“No.” Hyatt didn’t have to ponder that one. Layne was one of the kindest souls he’d ever met and got upset when someone stepped on a bug. “There isn’t a mean bone in his body. No, this is me looking for a target, I guess. Someone to blame for all my fear when there really isn’t any single person to blame.”
Except maybe the man who’d kidnapped Layne was he was six, but that monster was long dead.
“Unlike Edgar, who was a single person to blame?” Dr. Barnes asked.
“I guess. Edgar was an obvious target for everything I felt about our lives with him. What he did to Rebel for years.”
“And what he did to you?”
Hyatt grunted. He’d long ago unpacked his emotions over Rebel’s abuse and the second rape that had been the impetus for Rebel’s meltdown, Edgar’s death, and their rescue. But he had more trouble talking about the first rape. The one he’d pushed so far down he sometimes wondered if it had actually happened, or if he’d made it up. “My feelings about Edgar have nothing to do with my feelings about what happened this weekend with Layne.”
“They don’t? Layne kept things bottled up. You’re keeping something bottled up.”
“Maybe but I’m not about to fling myself off a cliff. I just…” They hadn’t talked about this in a few months, and Hyatt struggled to find the familiar words. “Rebel is mated and happy. Symon went through so much with the explosion and healing from all the skin grafts. We’re all moving forward, and I don’t want to drag us back into that house. It happened to me, and I don’t want to tell them.”
“You’re an adult, Hyatt, and I am not here to tell you what to do or say, only to help you process your thoughts and feelings. You had a traumatic weekend, and I’m glad you reached out.”
“Me too. Layne is amazing and I guess I’m not truly mad at him. It’s just the circumstances.” Hyatt wasn’t entirely sure that was true, deep down where he hid his fear, but Hyatt had worked through his traumas with Dr. Barnes. Symon had attended therapy while he lived at Light House briefly, but when he got a full-time job, he quit. Rebel had been in care for two years before being released.
That had been the most joyful day of Hyatt’s life at the time. Finally hugging his big brother and being able to thank him for stopping Edgar. The second most joyful had been meeting Peyton, and that protective anger rose again.
Stop it, Layne did not intentionally cause Peyton harm. He was hurting, too.
As much as Hyatt didn’t want to blame Layne for any of this, Peyton, as his nephew, was his first priority, right alongside his grand-nephew Caleb. Then his brothers. Then everyone else.
“Peyton almost dying this weekend did prove one thing to me,” Hyatt said. “I’m tired of living half a life. I don’t want to keep hiding at Light House or sticking solely to the circle of friends I know. I’ll never meet my bondmate that way. I want a mate and kids like Peyton has. Khory and Aeron, too. Asher is such a sweet kid. I want to be an omegin. I’m just…scared.”
“Scared of what specifically?”
“Of it hurting.” Chills rippled across Hyatt’s skin. “Sex. Both times Edgar did it, it hurt so bad. I know my body will be different during heat, but it still scares me. Being vulnerable to an alpha who, bondmate or not, might not care if I hurt. I want a life like my friends have, but what if I don’t get it?”
“That’s a chance everyone has to take. Alpha, beta and omega. But Hyatt, you have such a strong support system behind you. Your brothers. Peyton. His friends and family. If you truly felt unsafe with your future mate, would you keep it a secret or would you tell your loved ones?”
“I’d tell them.” He swallowed hard. “Probably Mikel or Karter first, because I don’t know what