holiday images that would never belong to him, but it was his one bit of power he could lord over the kids in his class who thought his family was in like a cult or something because he didn’t get a visit from an old man with flying reindeer.
“Avery.” Alejandro says his name like it means something, and that alone is enough to shatter his thoughts into a thousand pieces. He swallows thickly as Alejandro sits up all the way and swings his legs over the bed, leaning over his thighs. “God, I thought…I thought if I did it this way, I wouldn’t be able to fuck it up as badly, but…”
Avery reaches out and touches him, but Alejandro flinches away so he curls his fingers back into his hand. “I don’t have any delusions about what this is. You know that, right?”
Alejandro’s laugh is bitter. “I suppose I do.”
This time, Avery doesn’t pull back his touch, even when Alejandro’s entire body goes stiff. “I don’t mean that like it’s a bad thing. I knew what I was getting into.” At Alejandro’s scoff, Avery can’t help his laugh. “Okay fine, I thought it was going to be more sex—but you do realize that our relationship could have been so much worse.”
Alejandro drags a hand down his face then turns. “I never meant for you to be so alone. I just…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, and Avery has no hope of trying to finish it for him. He doesn’t know why Alejandro keeps him at arm’s length—why he wouldn’t touch him all this time, even though he clearly wanted to.
There’s no way either of them can deny how charged it is between them now, though. How intense, how perfect, how good the sex was. Avery’s ass isn’t wrecked, but only just. He’s deliciously sore and will be for days. Alejandro didn’t pull back with his hands, his cock, with his biting kisses. He possessed and consumed, and he left marks that will linger for days.
But it’s obvious in this moment that’s all he’s ever going to get.
“I should go,” Avery says again after a long silence. What he wants is to escape before Alejandro can make it official. He’ll know when the cash hits his account. He’s not expecting a long goodbye or the opportunity to plead his case. He’s not sure he even wants that.
He’ll only sound love-struck and sad over a man he can never truly have.
It hurts, though, when Alejandro doesn’t ask him to stay. When he just sits there staring at the ground as Avery gets dressed. They don’t kiss goodbye, and they don’t have parting words. Avery just lets himself out and sees Robert in the elevator looking at him with something like pity on his face.
The car’s waiting for him out front, which means Alejandro called for it, and that alone sits in his gut like a heavy stone that will take months, maybe even years, to go away.
“I just worry,” Avery’s mom is saying as he lays on his sofa and stares up at the ceiling. It’s been twenty-four hours since he’s spoken to Alejandro, and it still hurts as much as the night before. “I hate you being all alone there again.”
He sighs and rolls toward the window. He’s got his chanukiah propped up in front of the glass with his candles at the ready. He found them in a little bodega this year with a surprisingly large Chanukah display. The wax is multi-colored and glittery, and he thinks he might do something with the melted bits after the holiday’s over. Not that he’s ever been crafty, but he has a few weeks before his final semester is over, and he knows he’s going to need to occupy himself somehow so he doesn’t wallow.
“Honestly, I just want to sleep,” he confesses, and it’s only a half lie. “Finals were murder, and I need like two weeks of solid napping.”
His mother scoffs. “You can nap here, you know.”
And he does. Of course he knows. They’ll always have a room for him. “Where’s Dad?”
She hums in displeasure, knowing he’s changing the subject on purpose, but she lets him have it. “He’s outside building a snowman with Elsie. She’s the neighbor’s daughter. Have I told you about her?”
“Yes, Mom,” he says tiredly, because she has. Every time she calls. He braces himself for what’s coming next.
“It wouldn’t kill you to start thinking about giving me grandchildren, Avery.” He closes his eyes against the words. “And