wasn’t a mistake for you to keep living your life. It was the only way to give Bast the life he deserves.”
“I want to do more than just give you money.”
“Neither Sebastian nor I ever wanted money from you. He just wants you. You don’t even realize how much he idolizes you. You’re everything to him. No, he doesn’t call you Daddy, but he knows how much he is loved.”
My chest tightened. “I should have been more involved.”
“The door was never shut. You have every right to be here as much as you like. He’s getting older now, and he’s going to need you more and more.”
I rubbed my neck. The tension was practically crushing me. One good clip from a linebacker and I wouldn’t have to worry about getting cut—I’d be killed.
“Should I…” I swallowed. “Should I tell him I’m his father?”
“That’s up to you,” she said.
“That’s not what I asked.”
“You’re asking if you should confuse a five-year-old boy to ease your conscience?”
“That’s not…”
“Will it make any difference if you tell him? Can you love him any more if he knew the truth? Would it make his life any easier, any better?”
I didn’t have to think about it. “No. There’s no way I could love him more.”
“Then you have your answer, for now, while he’s little.”
And when he got older? When he learned the truth? He’d be upset. Mad. Betrayed.
But he’d never be able to say I wasn’t there to help him.
Mom touched my cheek. “I am so proud of the man you’ve become.”
“You shouldn’t be.”
“Why?”
Christ. If I didn’t say it, the stress would probably pop an artery. “Elle’s pregnant.”
Mom’s reaction to this pregnancy was better than her last. She reached for an Oreo to eat instead of the nearest newspaper to beat me with.
“Well…” The cookie lowered. She cleared her throat. “You are apparently…very virile, son.”
“Science could study me.”
“I really rather they don’t.”
I stared at my hands. “I’m in love with her.”
“That’s an improvement over the last time.”
“And I’m going to take care of her.”
“You’re already married,” she said. “Ahead of the game.”
She was joking, but I didn’t laugh. My chest tightened, and I had no idea if I could speak the words.
“How can I do this?” I whispered. “How can I have this baby myself, raise him, live with him, be an actual father to him? What about Bast? Doesn’t he deserve the same?”
Mom took my hand. “Are you going to forget about Bast?”
“No.”
“Will you ever turn your back on him?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Then I’m going to tell you a secret, Lachlan. Something you might not realize yet.” Mom smiled, gentle and honest. “There is enough love in your heart for Sebastian, for this baby, for Elle, and for any other children you may sire…which might one day become an exponential number.”
“I’ll try to keep the count to one hand.”
“It’s not possible for you to run out of love for this family. The single hardest lesson for any parent isn’t selflessness—it’s sacrifice. It’s giving more of yourself than you think is possible…and putting your child’s needs first when you can’t do enough. Because of you, Bast has a great life, a wonderful home, and a bright future. That’s what it means to be a father, and you’ll be a great one…for both of your children.”
She offered me a cookie. I needed more than that. I glanced down the hall.
“Can I see him?” I asked.
“He’s sleeping.”
“Is it okay if I crash here?”
“You bought this house, Lachlan.”
“But it’s yours.”
Mom shook her head. “Fine. Then as long as it’s my house, you never have to ask to stay here.”
I knew better than to fight her, or to avoid the dozen kisses she layered on my face and cheeks. I apologized for keeping her up late before taking the steps upstairs.
Bast’s new room was larger than our old family room. I hadn’t come close to filling it with enough stuff—clothes, toys, posters of me on his wall.
He slept, somehow. The light from the doorway silhouetted either his head or his ass, I wasn’t sure how the hell he fell asleep twisted up, pillows astray. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my keys and phone on his desk. He didn’t appreciate me tucking him into the bed or grazing a hand on his cheek.
“Lachlan…” He was grumpy. “I’m sleeping.”
“Yeah, me too. Scooch your butt, Bast.”
His words slurred. “Sebastian...”
“Shut up. Get over here.” I curled an arm around him and snuggled him in close. That earned a kick in the knee as he shifted,