hits and tackles, something changed in me.
No. Something broke.
It was like a switch flipped in my head. The rage dissipated, and my mind disconnected in my body. The whole world turned grey. For the first time in my life, I was numb.
I’d breathed. I’d slept too much. I’d worked out too little. My head clouded in a thick, sluggish fog. I felt…nothing.
I hoped it’d be enough to keep them safe.
I needed to eat, but I had no idea what I’d cram down my throat.
I hobbled through the house. It shouldn’t have hurt that much to cross from the weight room to the kitchen. Was it because I was out of uniform? Every injury and ache I endured through the season surged through me, like it had never healed.
Maybe it was all in my head. Nothing was right in there now. Maybe it tortured me too. Maybe it wasn’t just the anger that made me crazy.
At least this nightmare would only last four weeks.
I stood in front of the fridge. The latch on the side was still a pain in my ass. I learned slapping it a couple times usually dislodged it, and a butter knife worked as good leverage.
But Piper’s hand slipped under my arm, twisting the mechanical release. The door popped open.
I stared at the shelves. Wasn’t sure for how long.
“I can make you something,” Piper said.
Her voice hurt me. Her soft melody grated my nerves. I couldn’t face her. Couldn’t look at her.
Couldn’t let myself feel anything more for her.
My throat was hoarse, unused. “I’m fine.”
I grabbed a handful of cheese and meat, but I didn’t want a sandwich. I’d choke it down anyway.
“You didn’t come to bed last night.”
Why was she talking so quietly? Did she think she’d break me with a single conversation?
She probably would.
“No,” I said.
“Where’d you sleep?”
“Downstairs.”
She searched my expression. I didn’t know what she expected to find. “Will you come to bed tonight?”
Already knew the answer to that. “No.”
“Why?”
“Do I have to explain myself?”
I might have been numb, but I felt the coldness in those words. So did Piper.
She nodded. “Fine. I’ll put my things back in my room.”
“Probably for the best.”
“Gonna tell me why?” she asked. “Had enough of me? Got too real?”
“Don’t push me.”
She wasn’t intimidated. “Or what? You’re gonna get angry? You’ll pout? You’ll storm around the house and foam at the mouth like a damn rabid animal?”
“Maybe I will.” I pitched my sandwich into the sink. “Is that what you’re waiting for? You want me to get pissed off? To yell? To lose control?”
“How much longer do you think you can keep it locked inside, Cole? You’ve spent the last week living in this passive, self-inflicted shell. You aren’t keeping it contained. You’re letting it build.”
“We’re done talking.”
“Yeah.” Piper shrugged. “Because when have you ever done something that might help you?”
I slammed a hand against the counter. Didn’t even feel it.
“I’m trying to protect you, beautiful!”
“And I offered to help. I offered to listen. I want to be there for you, but you’re the one refusing me. So you know what?” Her voice strained. “I have enough shit to deal with today. I don’t have the strength to convince you that I’m on your side. Just forget it.”
It was too quiet in the kitchen. I listened, hard.
Silence.
I called to Piper before she stormed from away.
“Where’s the kid?”
Her voice embittered. She didn’t bother turning to look at me. “Her father has her for the day.”
The air squeezed from my lungs.
Her father.
That explained why Piper was on edge. I didn’t blame her. Rose’s father was an asshole. They’d lived in the mansion for weeks, but this was the first time he made an effort to see his daughter.
What kind of a fool refused such a blessing?
I hid downstairs. It was a leg day, and that meant a familiar strain and discomfort. But, even after a few hours of working out, I couldn’t feel anything, only numb detachment.
I knew I was in trouble, but it wasn’t like Piper would understand what tortured me.
The suspension didn’t piss me off. It had been the meeting, and the way the league, the Monarchs, and her own father spoke to her. She didn’t deserve their condescension, their sickening insults.
She should have defended herself. Instead, this beautiful, stubborn, wonderful woman tried to help me. And I refused her. Repeatedly. And all because…
Because I couldn’t let her see the real me.
Because I was too terrified of losing her.
…Because I was in love with her.
The thought was like a