a low growling noise in his throat, and I know if I don’t answer him, he’ll just get pissy.
“I’m tired, Eldrin.” My voice is weary as I drop down into a sitting position, rubbing at the cuffs of the trousers around my ankles. I’d been grateful for them earlier, since they hid the scars from my manacles, but right now, the feeling of the fabric rubbing against my skin is triggering memories of my time as a slave.
“Come on, princess, is a little bit of exercise too much for you?” he sneers, but his voice sounds off, like he doesn’t really mean what he’s saying.
I don’t respond, focusing instead on pushing down the memories that are trying to force their way up.
“Are you injured?” His voice is softer now as he drops into a crouch in front of me. Reaching out, he goes to touch one of my ankles. As soon as I spot the movement and his finger brushes my skin, panic flares to life in my chest. A ragged scream rips from my throat as I scramble backwards. Phantom hands reach out to grab me, to put me back in chains. I can feel Eldrin’s horrified gaze on me, not to mention the other elves training in the space, but I can’t think about them right now, I’m fighting to separate the present from the past.
“Not the chains,” I moan, curling up into a protective ball as my memories overwhelm me. My hands pull at the cuffs on my ankles, desperate to get them off. As I look at them, the fabric turns to metal then back to fabric and so on as my past trauma takes over.
“Clarissa!” Eldrin shouts, but his voice barely breaks through my panic fogged brain. I can see him on his knees in front of me now, leaning forward with his fist clenched in his lap as if he wants to reach out and shake me.
“Not the chains!” I plead, tears tracking down my face. I’m too far into my terror to pick apart what is real and what’s not.
“Clarissa! Look at me!” he demands loudly, sounding angry, but it’s still not enough to break through. “Look at me.” I do as he says. “Good. You are safe. No one is going to hurt you here.” His voice is calm now, gentle. Seeing me pull at the cuffs on my ankles, he frowns and puts two and two together, realising what’s setting me off. “No cuffs,” he agrees. Reaching out, he takes the cuff of the trouser and tears it, instantly freeing my ankle.
Gasping, I take a deep, shuddering breath as I look down at my now free ankle. “I’m safe. I’m safe,” I repeat to myself, focusing on the raised, scarred skin. Eldrin’s sudden movement makes me flinch, but he just does the same to the other cuff.
“That’s it. Take deep breaths, allow the bad memories to flow out of you with each exhale.” Eldrin’s voice has taken on a calming tone as he instructs me, the kind you would use with a startled horse. If I wasn’t so traumatised, I’d probably find that amusing.
Stretching both legs out in front of me, I follow his instructions and feel the panic start to fade away with each breath. Embarrassment soon replaces it though, and as I open my eyes that I hadn’t even realised I closed, I glance around the training area. I feel relief flood me as I see it’s completely empty. I don’t know where the other elves have gone, but I’m glad no one else is here to see this right now.
We sit together in silence, and I’m grateful for that as I regain control of my mind. Sighing, I look up and see he’s still staring at my ankles, his expression pensive, deep in thought. “Eldrin,” I call softly. His stony eyes slide up to my face before looking back at my ankles and the scars there.
“Your ankles…” He trails off as if he doesn’t know what to say or how to put it into words. Shaking his head, he seems to give up.
Taking pity on him, I clear my throat. “They chained our ankles together to stop us from running away.” My voice is quiet but steady. Eldrin looks up at me, his face carefully neutral as I speak, as if any emotion might spook me. “Sometimes they would put cuffs on our wrists, but they realised that we couldn’t work as effectively if our hands were bound.”