realized Finn wasn’t lying next to him, and Bramble wasn’t at his feet.
“Finn?”
From below came Finn’s chuckle. “It works!”
“What works?” He got out of bed and pulled on his shorts.
“I’ve discovered another Joel alarm clock.”
“You’re making breakfast? What did I do to deserve this?” Joel grabbed the T-shirt he’d removed the previous night.
“Reminds me of that meme I saw on Facebook,” Finn called out. “It said, ‘Masturbated so good last night, my dick was in the kitchen making breakfast.’”
Joel laughed as he headed down the stairs. Finn stood at the table, whisking eggs in a bowl, and Bramble sat nearby, licking his chops. Then Joel took in Finn’s attire. He wore Joel’s apron, but that was all he wore—the apron strings dangled over his bare ass.
“Oh, if this is how you make breakfast, I need you to do it more often.” Joel walked over to him, grabbed Finn’s firm ass with both hands, and squeezed.
“Hey. No distracting me.”
Joel kissed Finn’s neck, loving the shivers that coursed through him. “Where’s the bacon?” He kissed Finn’s nape, heading lower.
“In the oven, keeping warm.”
“Good.” Joel slowly undid the apron, then sank to his knees behind Finn.
“What’s going on behind my back?”
“Put the bowl down, Finn, and bend over the table.”
Finn’s loud gasp filled the kitchen. “Fuck, you’re not gonna—”
“Fuck, yeah. You gave me the idea, remember?” He chuckled at the speed with which Finn followed his instructions.
“Remind me to share more of my ideas with you.” Then he let out a low guttural sound as Joel’s tongue found his hole. “Jesus.”
That was all kinds of gratifying.
Joel closed his laptop and glanced at the wall clock. Time for a break.
It became apparent Bramble had the same idea: he got up from his spot at Joel’s feet and went to the front door. Joel laughed. “Okay, okay. I get the message.” He could do with a walk. He’d been working all morning, and Bramble had been very patient.
“Let’s go see if Finn is home, eh, boy?” Then he remembered. Finn would be working. It had been three days since Joel had seen him. They’d spoken on the phone, and Finn had sent photos of the rocking chair. It looked beautiful. But Finn’s voice was no substitute for the real thing.
Dear Lord, I’ve got it bad.
Sunday afternoon, when they’d gone for a walk on the beach with Bramble, seemed a lifetime ago. Warmth filled him at the thought of strolling along the shoreline, Finn at his side, talking, laughing, throwing sticks for Bramble… What he recalled most vividly was the desire that seized him, the need to hold Finn’s hand but not possessing the courage to do so. Especially when Finn showed no inclination to do the same.
Which was all the evidence Joel needed that Finn didn’t feel the same yearning that tormented Joel. Sure, Finn couldn’t keep his hands off Joel when they were together, but Joel wanted more than that.
His phone buzzed, and Joel snatched it up from the table. It was Carrie. “Hey,” he said as they connected.
“You okay? You sound… I’m not sure how you sound, just… not like you.”
“I’m fine,” he lied. Having his head full of Finn was not fine, not when Joel really wanted him—
In my arms. In my bed. In my life.
Joel pushed such thoughts into submission. “So, what’s up?”
“I’m just calling to let you know… Eric came to dinner on Sunday.”
“Oh, great. How did it go?”
“Well, I think. He was playing chess with Nate. Eric paid you a compliment. He said you were obviously a good teacher.”
“That was nice of him. Does Laura like him?”
Carrie laughed. “She says he’s sweet.” She paused for a moment. “So… about Finn…”
“What about him?”
“Well, it’s been almost two weeks since we were there. Are you any clearer on where this is going?”
I wish.
Joel let out a sigh. “I’m not sure it’s going anywhere. Finn… Finn isn’t looking for a relationship.” That was what his head told him in the middle of the night, when he lay in his bed that felt so empty without Finn.
“And you know this how? Did Finn say that?”
“Well, not, but—”
“Have you even talked about this with him?”
“No.” He couldn’t… just couldn’t.
“Why not?”
“Because I’m scared, okay?” That came out louder than he’d intended, and Bramble let out a bark. “Come here, boy.” When Bramble reached his chair, Joel stroked his head. “Daddy’s all right.” He took a breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve been thinking a lot about him. I love being with him. I love