again for not being the daughter I could have been.
“Because… just because. This is my first dance, and I’m looking forward to it, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that big a deal.”
She looked at me in exasperated confusion. “Every other dance, at every other school, I got the feeling you wanted to go. I always thought it was Daddy and me keeping you from getting involved.”
“No… not exactly. I wanted to be asked, because I wanted to be… normal. Even when I knew I couldn’t be. Maybe it was easier to blame you than to admit that I was never going to be like the others. But now here, for the first time, I’m part of things. I don’t need a dance to make me feel that way.”
My mother was still slightly puzzled, but she nodded anyway. “So then why are you going to this dance, if you’re not really excited about it?”
I still wasn’t sure of the answer to this one myself. “It’s important to Michael. It’s something we can do with his friends. It’s not that I don’t want to go, it’s just that I don’t want to make a big production of it.”
“Okay. No hair. Just dress and shoes. When is the dance, anyway?”
Good question. “I think it’s next Friday night.”
My mother shook her head and sighed. “Doesn’t give us much time. We’ll have to hit the mall this weekend…”
“Actually, Mom, I’m spending Saturday afternoon with Michael out at the nursery, if that’s okay.”
“Oh…” Momentarily deflated, she frowned, and then brightened. “Well, how about Sunday afternoon?”
“Umm… yeah, I think I can do that,” I agreed, trying to tamp out the reluctance and feign some enthusiasm.
“Good! We’ll go early enough to have some lunch out, just the two of us; we haven’t done that in forever.” My mother’s happiness made up for a little of my own lack, and I smiled in spite of myself.
Alone in my room, I thought about the dance and why I wasn’t as giddy with excitement about it as other girls seemed to be. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go; it was more the idea that I might be terribly out of place and embarrass both Michael and myself. And of course, I was also worried about my parents and the fuss they were bound to make. I knew it was a big first for them too, but the thought of flashing cameras and doting parents made me want to cringe.
I wondered if Anne would give me some pointers on what happened at the Harvest Moon Dance, just so I could be somewhat prepared. It seemed like a good idea to ask her.
I was up fairly early the next day, for a Saturday. I spent the morning dusting and vacuuming my room, doing laundry and working on what little homework was assigned over the weekend.
When Michael knocked on the front door, I was ready and waiting. He made sure to say hello to my father, who had come out of the kitchen to see what I was doing. My mom was sequestered in her office, working.
Finally, we were off. Michael had put the top down on the car, and I leaned my head back against the seat, enjoying the rush of wind in my face. My hair blew wildly, and I felt Michael’s hand smooth it back away from my eyes. I pivoted my head to look at him.
“It’s no use, it’ll be a mess anyway when we get there.”
He laughed. “Should I put the top up, then?”
“No! I love to ride with it down. I don’t care about my hair. I can brush it out and hope for the best.”
We were nearly shouting to hear each other over the rush of the wind. So when Michael said something else, I didn’t hear him at first.
“What?” I asked.
“I said, today would be a good day for another driving lesson.”
I rolled my eyes. “What, so you can get some more material for your stand-up act? No, thank you. I am perfectly content to drive automatic.”
“That’s ridiculous. It’s so easy, Tas. You know you can do it.”
“I’ll think about it.” That was as much as I’d give him. I hoped he might forget about it once we actually got to the nursery.
As Marly had predicted, Sawood was becoming a second home to me. I spent as many weekend days out there as my parents would allow, and I was getting to know some of the people who worked with