But it actually gave me time to prepare for this conversation, so it really backfired. Your brother might have more of an issue than I do.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, he gets to date my best friend, and I didn’t complain. I gave them my blessing. Even though it’s not always easy.”
Dad nods. “I’m sure it’s not.”
My voice is small when I speak again, like the tiniest murmur from a mouse. “What would Mom think?”
This one gives him pause. As I watch, Dad carefully weighs his answer out, like he’s picking out the perfect stone to skip across the surface of a lake. “Your mother and I were very different. I know you remember.”
I can’t help but smile, even as the tears begin to well in my eyes. There’s no need to wipe them here, so I let them fall. “I do.”
“I can’t always predict what she would say, but I know that, like me, she trusted you. Always did. She and I have always wanted what’s best for you. And if that’s a man who is older—”
“Forty-three.”
He winces again. “If that’s a man who is forty-three, then I’ll make sure I show him my gun collection the same way I would any of your dates.”
This pulls a laugh out of me, and now I wipe my cheeks. Then I remember: I left Gavin, with only a text. I left Ella. Dad sees my face fall, stands, and joins me on the couch. In a rare show of affection from him, he pulls me close. They might be similar in age, but his hug feels nothing like Gavin’s embrace. Not even a little.
“I might have already lost him,” I say. “Honestly, I’m not sure he wants me.”
“Nonsense,” Dad scoffs. “You wouldn’t be here asking for permission if you’d lost him. And he’d be a fool if he doesn’t think you’re the best thing to ever happen to him.”
“He has a daughter,” I say, wanting to get all the shocking things out at one time, to tell all my truths. Dad only nods. “She’s eight. His ex-wife never told him, so he just found out.”
Dad squeezes me tighter. “And how do you feel about that?”
“I … don’t know. But I really like her. She and I kind of bonded, which was unexpected.”
In the comfort of my father’s embrace, I tell him about the weekend with Gavin and his family. I explain about the ranch, the complications of my job, and about Ella crawling into my bed the night before.
“Gavin’s going to fight for custody. But I don’t know that he ever wants to get married again.”
“It sounds like his ex really hurt him and his daughter. I can understand hesitation after that. But did you ask him what he wanted?”
“No,” I say, feeling even smaller.
Dad hums. “Sounds like a conversation worth having.”
“I don’t know if he’ll want to talk to me. I left him. With just a text. I got scared, panicked, and I ran.”
Dad kisses my temple. “If he’s really the right man for you, there will always be a way back. You’ll just have to find that way.”
His words are so close to what Thayden said in the plane about running that I’m almost spooked. But maybe it’s the way of the universe confirming something to me. A truth I needed to hear. Or maybe this is all some kind of conspiracy and I need to put on my foil hat and hide in the basement.
There are still lots of complications. Many obstacles. But somehow, feeling my father’s love and support, they all feel flimsy, like a house of cards I can just blow down. If only I can find the bravery to do so.
“Why don’t you invite him to your birthday dinner tomorrow. Him and his daughter. I’d like to meet them both. I’ll make sure your brother knows to be on his best behavior.”
I’m trying to imagine Gavin and Ella here, in this house with my father. With Zane and Abby too. It’s a strange image, but one that has my heart racing.
I think back on Gavin’s words in the barn, his hot breath on my skin. We didn’t have time to talk about what it all meant, but I shouldn’t have doubted the things he did say. Even the small gestures, like knowing my favorite coffee shop and my favorite candy just from watching me. I can feel the weight of the sapphire necklace he bought me hiding under my shirt, close to my heart.
We’re long