said, “what?” he didn’t answer.
Instead, he’d moved, until his hip lay against the mattress, and he could pull me up against him. He slung a leg over mine, nestled my hip up against him. I was left to stare at the shadows of the ceiling with his leg arm resting across my body, his face tucked up near my neck.
Moments earlier, I’d been sure I was going to lose my virginity to him. And instead I was laying on my back in my bed, watching as the moonlight chased the shadows in my room, listening as his breathing turned long and even and he feel asleep.
It had taken me hours to do the same. To calm the racing heartbeat and the urge to push him over and rub my hand along the length of his cock, wake him up in a way that he wouldn’t again refuse me.
For hours that night I’d replayed the heat of his kisses, his hungry hands sliding up my sides, the way he’d pulled my shirt off and kissed my breasts, kneaded them with this rough hands. But even when sleep finally consumed me, I couldn’t figure out why he’d stopped, just as I’d been ready to give him everything.
And now I stood before him, knowing how it felt to be truly and thoroughly fucked by him, first in his bed, and now with my heart. Because I knew, even as I stood there, in his grandiose house, that I could never truly get over him. He was the boy I fell in love with as a girl, and then I fell for him all over again as a woman, the commanding, successful man who never quite lost the chip on his shoulder.
How the hell was I supposed to trust him? He was married, and he’d hidden it from me. What skeleton would crawl out of his closet next?
He shook his head. “Once I had you, I didn’t think I could ever let you go. I fucked up not telling you right away, and each day it just made a bigger hole. I can’t lose you.”
“You don’t get it, do you? You already did,” I said, and then spun around and walked away.
I glanced back as I left his room, and regretted it instantly. He was crestfallen, his bare chest rising and falling with ragged breaths.
I tried to stay strong, try to keep the tears from falling, but I knew they glistened in my eyes as I unbolted the door, opened it and pushed my way past Alexa on the stoop.
“He’s really slumming it these days, huh?” Alexa said, a cruel smile playing at her lips.
I whirled around, planning to strike back, but I hesitated. The woman looked like Landon’s equal in every way. Like she too, owned any piece of the world she stood in. But when she moved her hand again, crossing her arms and making sure that giant ring caught the light—and my eye—I couldn’t take it. I lashed out.
“You may be his wife, but he’s loved me since he was eighteen. Nothing you say changes that.”
I wasn’t even sure if that statement was true—if Landon had ever truly loved me.
Maybe Landon wasn’t truly capable of love.
But I knew that I’d loved him that long, and that my words had gotten to her. She narrowed her eyes, one hand on the door, uncertainty written on her face.
“But you know what? He’s not even worth it. He’s all yours,” I said, bounding down the steps and leaving him behind, leaving before she could say something else to make me regret my decision to walk away from the man I loved.
Chapter 2
I ended up walking halfway home before the cab I’d called found me, halfway down to the valley. I was pretty sure I had a blister on the back of my ankle, but the one on my heart hurt more.
It took ten minutes for the cab to barrel across town and drop me at my house. Ten minutes to stare out the window and wonder how things had gotten so utterly fucked up.
My house looked like it was in slumber; my dad must’ve already left for work. Matt’s car was in the drive, though, and he was the one I really wanted to confront.
I found him on the couch, watching the news with a steaming cup of tea on the table next to him. I grabbed the remote, clicked the TV off, and threw it down.
“Whoa,” he said. “Who pissed in your cheerios?”
“You