him. Two days ago I’d gone years without him, and in a flash, he was back, burrowed into my life as if he’d never left.
“Why did you tell me you came back for me?” I asked, still staring at my lap. “It wasn’t true. You came back for my brother and your center, but not for me.”
“It felt like it, in that moment.”
That was life to Landon, lived one moment at a time. But a moment would never be enough for me.
“You can’t do that to me.”
“I can’t tell you how I feel?”
“You can’t make me think you feel things you don’t.” I looked up. His eyes narrowed, something akin to confusion and annoyance swirling there. “I’m supposed to get on a plane in three hours,” I suddenly admitted. The words had just come out, without me planning to say them.
He stilled, staring me directly in the eye. Searching for more explanation. But for a long stretch of a moment, I didn’t’ want to give it to him. I wanted him to wonder and feel confused, the way I’d felt.
“Why?”
“I got an internship. One I wanted desperately last year, but I had to give it up when my Mom’s health started to go downhill.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “How long have you known?”
“Why? Because you’re the only one allowed to disappear without notice?”
The intensity of his stare only got stronger. “How long?”
“Since yesterday.”
He stared, his look pointed. I felt sorry for anyone he’d ever worked with, who probably shrank under his gaze. “And you were just going to leave?” he demanded.
I laughed, and it came out bitter, tinged with anger. “So what if I was? I don’t owe you anything. Whatever this is, I’m not stupid. Nothing with you is permanent. So yeah, I was just going to leave. I was going to pursue my dreams. Wasn’t it you that told me I had to go for it?”
He shook his head, something like loathing in his expression. “That doesn’t excuse the fact that we were together last night and you knew you were leaving without telling me.”
“Why?” I asked, standing. “Because you’re the only one allowed do that? Because you get to fuck and forget, but god forbid someone do the same to you?”
He didn’t even flinch. Just stared at me, an undercurrent of irritation beneath his skin. “People don’t leave me, Taryn.”
“You’re right. Because you do the leaving before they can.”
“It’s not like that with you.”
“It’s already been like that with me! That’s the whole fucking point. You left me for three years, without so much as a goodbye,” I said, my voice rising.
I stepped back, and the stool toppled over. He didn’t react, just stared at me with accusation in his eyes, like I was the one ruining this. Like this was ever going to be something.
He finally shook his head. “Not everything that happens is about you, Taryn.”
“You know what, I changed my mind. You are a cold bastard and I can’t do this anymore. I’m getting on that plane in three hours, and while I’m gone, I’m going to forget you.”
I stormed out of his house.
And it stung to realize he didn’t follow me.
Chapter 2
Hitting the green call button on my phone sent a wave of nerves through me.
Please go to voicemail, please go to voicemail. It was a mantra in my head. A plea for mercy. But of course, I was not so lucky.
“Professor Valdez,” he answered, on the second ring. I could picture him now, sitting behind that ancient oak desk, stacks of books towering around him, so tall they would probably kill him in the event of an earthquake. He’d have his back to the room, staring out across the lawn below his window, to the shimmering Lake Washington beyond.
I wanted to be him once. Now I just wanted to avoid disappointing him.
Dread fell like a cannon ball in my stomach as I searched for the words to say.
“Uh, Hi, Professor,” I replied, hoping my voice sounded calm, cool, collected. “It’s Taryn. Do you have a second to talk?”
“Sure. Where are you? Have you made it through the security lines yet at the airport?”
“Oh, um, actually I’m in the car.” Ugh. Couldn’t I speak without another um to make me sound immature?
“…On the way to the airport?” He asked, his words like a question and an accusation rolled into one.
“Actually, I don’t think I can make it,” I said, all in a rush. I gripped the wheel harder, as if bracing for