meant anything I said to Willow, but to you, Ella, I meant every word. Every time we touched, that was real.
“You stirred. You stir…feelings in me I’ve never felt before.”
“How can I believe you?” she replies, deflated.
And that’s the problem—all she has is my word, which apparently isn’t good enough because I fooled her once. She won’t allow it to happen again.
“Why did you offer yourself to Santo, if you feel nothing for me?”
She’s unbending as she hacks into my heart, declaring, “I didn’t do it for you…I did it for Irina, the kids, and Mother Superior. They didn’t deserve to be brought into this mess.”
I hold my breath, hoping she doesn’t say what I know she will.
“But more importantly, I did it for me. At least I know where I stand with Frank, with Santo, but with you…I’ll always be guessing if I’m enough.”
“Ella!” I cry out, exasperated. “Listen to me. You are enough. You’re more than I deserve.”
I’m prepared to fall to my knees and beg she forgive me for making her feel anything but a queen. But it’s too late.
“You’re right,” she states, staring me down. “I am more than you deserve. We’re done. You easily discarded me. I don’t care what your motives were because we could have worked together. But you chose to lie to me, to hurt me in ways unimaginable. I won’t be second best.”
“You aren’t!” I grip her forearm, pleading she believes me, but she doesn’t.
Ripping from my hold, she curls her lip. “Well, you are. I thought I wanted a future with you, but I don’t.”
Words escape me.
“I have nothing waiting for me back in America. Here, I know my place, and I’m okay with it. Frank loved me once. We can find that love again.”
“Do you realize how desperate, how pathetic that makes you sound?” I question, furious she’d allow herself to be used this way. “You’re merely a plaything for the Macrillos!”
“I’m pathetic?” she scoffs. “Isn’t that a little hypocritical, considering you’re in love with someone you bought to be your sex slave!”
She isn’t holding back. I deserve this. But it still hurts.
“And what was I to you?” she poses, challenging me to express my feelings. “When you didn’t know who I was, when you thought I was Sister Arabella, wasn’t I just another conquest? At least I know where I stand with them.”
She’s daring me to argue, and yes, at first, she was. But not now. Now I…I what? I love her? Is that what this feeling digging a hole through my chest is called?
“If you believe that, then we’re really done.” I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, removing her lipstick-stained kisses as they’re nothing but lies.
“Glad we can agree on something. Tell Willow and Saint I said hi.” She’s seen them both by my side while she’s on the outer. No wonder she won’t believe me. It always seems I do choose them over her.
I look at this woman, the woman who was filled with love and self-sacrifice and no longer see her. In her place, I see the shell of the person I’ve ruined beyond repair. She is allowing herself to be used because that’s what she believes she deserves.
“You want him? You want them and not me?” I ask, needing her to say it. I know Santo only agreed to let her live if she gave him something in return.
She pauses, working her bottom lip, and I think maybe, just maybe she’ll tell me this is all a bad dream. But this is real life, a life I must learn to live again.
“Yes, I do. You’re a liar. And a murderer. You’re a bad man. And I won’t fall for your lies like everyone else you have fooled. You’re nothing but an insecure asshole with mommy issues. You want to show the world you’re big and strong, but you’re not. You’re weak. And you’re pining after someone who will never love you. How can she? You ruined her life the moment you bought her like nothing but chattel.
“You make me sick. I don’t want you. And I never will.”
The fight in me simmers because nothing is worth fighting for anymore.
She willingly went to Santo because I broke her heart. I broke her. She may have saved me, but her motives weren’t entirely selfless. She did this for herself too. Better to be “loved” by someone, than not be loved at all. But Santo and Frank don’t love her. They merely see