have done something, but I didn’t, and now I have this ha-hatred, this bitterness”—she tugs at the loose material over her heart—“inside me, and I don’t know how to make it go away.
“I lashed out at you when it was never your fault. It was m-mine. I just wanted to help.” She buries her face into her palms, sobbing, while I stand utterly still, unsure if I’m breathing.
All I can hear on repeat are the ugliest words to ever be spoken—he raped me.
He took from her, he defiled her, and now she’s the one burdened with the shame and guilt when it should be him.
“I understand if you don’t want me a-anymore,” she muffles into her hands. “I’m ashamed. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I feel so… unclean.”
If this is what it feels like to have your heart ripped in two, then that’s okay because I will happily give a piece, hell—she can have the whole thing—to Ella, hoping to mend her broken, wounded heart.
I can’t stand to see her in pain, so I turn and walk toward the edge of the yacht. I need a minute.
I grip the railing, my knuckles cracking under the force. I look into the vast nothingness—a perfect analogy to how I’m feeling. There is nothing but pure rage coursing through me. Killing Santo isn’t enough. He needs to suffer and suffer in ways unimaginable.
What I did to Serg will be nothing compared to what I intend for Santo. There will be nothing, nothing left of him when I’m done. I will wipe his existence from this earth. The pain he inflicted on Ella—I will return tenfold.
I want to scream. I want to kill something. But I can’t. Ella needs me, so pushing my vengeance aside, with a mechanical pace, I walk over to her. Her eyes are red-rimmed when she slowly lifts her face to look at me, terrified.
I do the only thing I can—I fall to my knees before her, begging for forgiveness as I submit everything I am to her. “прости, что подвел тебя. Я никогда не подведу тебя опять. Tы любовь всей моей жизни, и скоро, когда я наберусь смелости, я скажу тебе это. Но я не могу сейчас…потому что я тебя не достоин. Мне нужно стать человеком достойным твоей любви.”
I’m sorry for failing you. I’ll never fail you again. You are the love of my life, and one day, when I have your courage, I will tell you this. But I can’t now…because I don’t deserve you. I need to become a man worthy of your love.
I wish I could say these words to her in English but not yet. I don’t want her associating the first time I profess my love for her to this moment in time. And when she doesn’t ask what I just said, I think she too understands the reason.
With a hesitant touch, she lifts my chin, coaxing me to look at her. But I can’t. I’m the one who’s ashamed. I failed to protect her, allowing something so vile to happen.
“Ella, I kneel before you, unworthy of your love,” I declare, head bowed. “What you did, моя любовь, I don’t deserve you. I wish he had killed me if it meant saving you such horrors. I will never be disgusted by you. You did nothing, nothing wrong.
“This isn’t your fault. It’s his. I’m the one who is begging for your forgiveness for allowing this to happen. I failed to protect you when that’s all you’ve ever done for me. Never be ashamed because this isn’t your fault,” I desperately repeat because she needs to hear it.
She bursts into tears.
“I’m so, so sorry this has happened to you. Sorry is such an inadequate word however, because nothing can ever make this okay. But he’s going to pay, I promise you,” I vow, gripping her cold fingers in mine as I finally meet her eyes.
“You’ll have your vengeance. His life is yours.”
She nods jerkily.
“We’re not going to just kill him…we’re going to paint Tura with his blood. I will end him, his bloodline, and kill the Macrillo name forever. He will be nothing but a forgotten memory.”
Tears spill down her cheeks. “Th-thank you.”
“Don’t ever thank me, красавица. This is only a small gesture to make up for a lifetime of regret. I’ll never forgive myself for what happened to you. You have every right to hate me. I hate myself for being so weak when it comes to you.
“I should have left you alone, but