more than happy to tell and really got a kick out of seeing me punished. It got worse and worse. One day, I snapped. He said I stole money out of my mom’s purse when I hadn’t. She was missing about ten dollars, not sure how much exactly.” He shrugged. “But when she asked us about it, he blamed me and said he’d seen me take it. My mother soon thereafter found the money, and Tomas got in trouble for lying. That sparked another argument and then he… he told me that, uh, my parents didn’t even want me.”
Suri’s eyes widened, but she remained quiet, simply stroking his arm, back and forth, back and forth.
“Long story short, we got in each other’s face and then he ran to his room. He came back with some crumpled old envelope and pulled out this paper. In it was an abortion appointment around the time I would’ve been conceived, give or take. I still wasn’t convinced it was me. I mean, why would I? I was born. I was here.” He held out his hands, palms up. “He said he’d overheard my father and our mother talking one night. My father was drunk apparently, and he’d said he hadn’t wanted any kids, but once she was pregnant, he accepted it. And then he had to stop her from killing me, and some other shit. So, I still didn’t believe him, but it was buggin’ me, right?”
“Well, yeah, of course that would be upsetting. So then what?” She squeezed her legs against his, wrapping herself around him. It felt like a much needed embrace.
“So, I told him to shut up, but watched where he put the papers. I went in his room the next day when he was gone somewhere, read them, and kept them. I waited like another day or two, but my mother noticed I had been acting funny, although I wouldn’t say what was wrong. So, finally, I got my mother alone and straight out asked her. She took too long to answer.” Suri closed her eyes for a spell. “Then, uh, she admitted it, but said it had nothing to do with me, or at least, not the way I saw it. She explained that she and my father had hit a rough patch. Actually, their entire relationship had been rocky on and off, but she said she was scared and didn’t want to continue on with him, to bring a child into that mess. At the last minute, she cancelled the appointment.”
“You know, things like this happen all the time, baby, but usually, we as the children, then eventually grown adults, just never hear anything about it. You just were one of those rare cases that found out about it, unfortunately due to the cruelty of your brother, and your mother came clean.”
“Yeah… that’s all true. It’s funny because in the back of my mind I wanted her to lie to me, ya know? I wanted her to say that, ‘No, King, the doctor marked the wrong box. I was going for a routine maternity checkup, and they accidentally checked the D&C box,’ somethin’ like that. But, I mean, I was mature enough, too, to understand that it really wasn’t personal. She didn’t know me. I wasn’t here. She had a right to be concerned about having a baby with my father; they just didn’t get along. And I also understand being leery of bringing any children into this world. I mean, look at it. The world is all fucked up.” He swallowed again, and blinked back his emotion. “Police are killing people. Nobody cares how they treat anyone. Babies are beaten by their own parents. Old people are abandoned by the children they raised and took care of. The rich trample on the poor. It’s a fucking mess! Where’s the love?! WHERE THE HELL IS LOVE LIVING? Did she move away and just leave us here?”
Suri rose and grabbed him by the wrists, holding his gaze.
“Yes, look at the world, King. The world is what’s around us, and also what we make it! It’s a blank canvas! We are the ones splashing the paint on it, and we can change the picture at any time! You cannot keep towing this line of positivity and negativity. It’s killing you. It fuels your art, I get it, it is part of who you are, but the negativity is not really what you want.” Her expression was one of grave severity,