Again.”
“Were you guys going to finally kiss?” Christian leaned forward, looking far too eager.
“No! God, no. I’m not dating anyone, you know that. But Javi helped me out when I took Giuliana to the hospital, and I was a complete dick to him after. And when I tried to say I was sorry, he shut me out.”
“Okay, let’s dissect some of this,” Christian said. “For starters, why do you think he shut you out?”
“Because when I said I was sorry, I offered to get him a drink as a thank you. He obviously avoided saying yes and walked away.” And man, how much had that hurt? Every time I replayed it in my mind, the rejection stung, even though I’d totally deserved it.
“Maybe he had other things on his mind? Or maybe you should try something other than drinks, since that might imply you’re looking for something more. Which brings us to point two,” Chris said, pointing a finger at me. “I’ve seen how you look at him. We all saw you here the last time. You are so clearly into him, Gordo, so I can’t for the life of me understand why you ‘aren’t dating’.”
He used air quotes and a tone so mocking I pictured punching him in my mind.
I took a long swallow of beer before answering. “We’ve talked about this ad nauseum, Christian. I’m not dating because I have Giuliana, and she’s all I can handle. I don’t have the time or energy for dating, and honestly, I’m happy with just my baby girl. All of the rest of it doesn’t matter.”
“Well, that’s just crap and you know it,” Christian accused with a heavy eye roll. “Again, I’ve seen how you look at him. And I bet he’s crazy confused, because sometimes, dude? You let being a ‘single dad’ turn you into a dick towards any man who pays attention to you.
“Remember the guy at the hospital when you visited me for lunch? He was totally into you and you shrugged him off without thinking, even though I totally caught you checking him out. If you think you don’t have room in your life for love as long as you have your daughter, you’re going to end up sad and alone. Because Giuliana will be your kid for the rest of your life, not just this year.”
My cheeks burned as he talked, and I knew it wasn’t the alcohol that caused it. “I know that, Christian. Hey, how is your love life, Mr. I’m-too-busy-saving-lives-to-fall-in-love?”
When I’d still been married to Kyle, I’d often harangued Christian about how he only made time for work and avoided dating. Apparently, I’d need to renew my efforts to keep him off my case now.
Except instead of getting upset, he got a goofy smile on his face. “I’m actually seeing someone.”
“What?”
His loud laugh earned us a few looks from nearby bar patrons. “We’re taking it slow, but it's been really nice, actually.”
He said it in a dreamy tone that teased at the wanting feelings I’d gotten so good at suppressing. Wanting something, someone, more.
“But what about work?”
Christian laughed at me like I’d made a joke. “What about it? I work, and then I hang out. It’s called balance, Gordo, and I have to say… I should have tried it a long time ago.” There was no missing the implication in his voice that I should try it, too.
His phone buzzed and he checked it, then turned to the door. My gaze followed his stare. In walked Dane, with Javi close behind. My heart practically tap-danced in my chest. That dance turned into a hot mess when Dane walked over to us, leaned down, and planted a kiss on Christian’s cheek before sliding into the booth next to him.
My best friend’s cheeks turned pink, but his eyes lit up like fireworks.
“I missed you,” Dane said and Christian leaned into him. It was simple, comforting affection. It made Christian happy, that was clear. It made me feel suddenly, irrationally jealous. Not only that Christian had actually managed to let someone in, but that Dane, who according to Javi, was a man-whore, seemed more than eager to be… monogamous.
Knowing that Christian had baggage of his own and guessing that Dane did as well, there was a bitter taste in my mouth at seeing them manage to push through it. Not because I begrudged them their happiness...no, that bitterness focused on my own inability to balance my past with Kyle and my worries of being a good