my mom said. “That would definitely be a conflict of interest, but I'm excited to see what you girls come up with.”
Zara gave her a wink. “Is it too late to get your secret recipe?”
Mom waved her finger in the air. “That is between me, God, and Pinterest.”
I laughed. “So, check your Pinterest boards. Got it.”
Mom gave me an amused smile and said, “I'll let you girls hang out.” She shut my bedroom door behind her, leaving the five of us alone. We were quiet for a little bit as she plodded down the stairs.
Ginger broke her cookie in half and took a big bite of it. “These really are good. Ray's mom makes the best chocolate chip cookies, but these might have them topped. Actually...” She reached into her big purse and pulled out a container of chocolate chip cookies. “I thought you might need some comfort food.”
My heart ached at how spot-on she was.
Zara laughed. “Great minds think alike because...” She got five small frosting containers out of her purse.
“No way!” Rory said. She took out a big bag of fancy chocolates.
We all turned our eyes on Jordan, who blushed and reached into her own bag. “I brought some donut holes from the bakery.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. My friends knew me well, but they didn’t understand that this wasn’t a breakup like the movies, where you could stuff your face with ice cream and move on. Carson had been a part of my life since I was ten years old. We rode to school together, attended our first party together, sat at lunch together—he’d been my everything, but he’d made me his nothing.
My laugh turned into sobs, and I put my face in my hands. Each of my friends crossed the room, trying to comfort me, but nothing could change the way my heart constantly felt like a ball of broken glass. Every breath I took only made the pain worse.
As my sobs subsided, Zara asked gently, “What happened? We were all at the beach, and then I’m seeing online that it’s over. You two seemed so happy.”
“We were,” I agreed. But I was tired of lying—tired of hiding. These girls had been here for me through it all, and it was time I told them the truth. They listened quietly as I told them how my relationship with Carson actually started this summer. That it was a ploy to get someone else. I kept my eyes on the tan carpet as I spoke, hating to think of the betrayal that would show on their faces.
“But somewhere in the pretending, it became real, for both of us,” I said shakily. “I gave him my whole heart.” Tears spilled over my cheeks, and Ginger rubbed my shoulder.
“So he broke up with you after you said you’d be with him?” she asked. “That doesn’t make any sense. Why would he do that?”
My throat was raw as I said, “Because when he needed me, I backed away.” If I could go back and do it over, I’d have called the cops, would have punched Carson’s dad myself for hurting Carson and Gemma. How could I blame Carson for fighting back and taking out his anger against someone who had caused his family so much pain? I’d just been surprised, scared at the side of Carson I’d never seen before. But deep down, I knew his heart was good. He’d been my best friend for eight years. After all that time, I knew him. Knew that he would never do anything to hurt the people he loved.
As I told them about Carson’s home life, their mouths fell open in mirroring images of shock and horror.
Zara covered her mouth with her hand. “I never would have guessed... He was always so happy.”
My heart broke even more, seeing their initial reaction. Carson had suffered so privately. “He was always the light for everyone else that he needed for himself.”
Ginger shook her head, rubbing my shoulder. “What are you going to do to get him back?”
“He made it pretty clear,” I said, staring at the wall across from me. “He doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I should have just followed through on my plan to be with Nick.”
Rory tilted her head toward me, making her dark curls spill over her shoulder. “You know it wouldn’t work. You don’t feel for him like you do for Carson.”
“Maybe that’s good,” I said, picking the icing off my cookie. “Because if caring about someone like