surrounded by people but all by herself.
Soon, we reached the pier, and Gemma grinned. “You know, I always liked this one better than the uppity beach in Brentwood.”
With a chuckle, I nodded. “I get what you mean.” Even though we’d attended Emerson Academy, the Catholic school we’d gone to in Texas was way more laid back. We weren’t used to the money that ran deep at the Academy.
We got out of the car and walked over the wooden planks to the coarse sand lining the ocean. Even at night, this place felt alive in a way our suburb didn’t. You could hear the rolling waves, see driftwood bonfires crackling in the distance, feel the electricity in the breeze. For the first time in a while, my chest felt lighter, and I took a deep breath, savoring the feeling.
Gemma adjusted her jeans and settled in the sand. As I sat down beside her, she said, “Can I ask you something?”
“Didn’t you already?” I teased.
She rolled her eyes, then looked over the water for a moment. “Why haven’t you made a move with Callie?”
Her question brought all the tightness back in my chest, reminding me of my problems. “How do you know I haven’t made a move?”
With all the confidence in the world, she said, “Because if you had made a move, you would actually be dating right now.”
Her statement took me aback. “What?”
“Carson,” she said sternly. “Come on. It doesn’t take a genius to see that you love each other and are just too afraid of getting hurt. It’s the oldest, lamest story of all time. Girl likes boy, boy likes girl, they don’t do anything because they’re ‘worried about hurting their friendship’ and then they needlessly pine over each other until one of them moves on and gets married. Meanwhile, the other one lives their entire life alone, or sad, until that person’s spouse dies and they finally get a second chance. By then, they’re both mad they wasted all that time when they just could have said something. It’s annoying.”
I raised my eyebrows. “And oddly specific.”
She shook her head with an exasperated smile. “Seriously, Cars. Why haven’t you made a move? Don’t you think it’s about time to be honest with her?”
Her jab at my character just reminded me of all the reasons I shouldn’t tell Callie the truth. “Gemma, you don’t get it.”
“No, what I don’t get is why you can’t just let yourself be happy! I’ve been here three days, and I can already see you’re miserable! Why?”
“Because I almost killed Dad! Okay?” I stood and ripped my fingers through my hair, pacing in the deep sand. I turned toward Gemma, needing her to see what a monster I was. “That night Mom told me she was leaving him? I choked him out, and I didn’t want to stop. He hadn’t even touched her, just threw a bottle at the wall, and I was going to keep pushing on his windpipe until I watched the light leave his eyes.” I ripped at my chest, at the part where my heart should have been. “And I would have killed him, if Mom hadn’t snapped me out of it. Callie deserves so much better than me it’s pathetic. I’m no better than Dad. As soon as I get Nick to fall for her, I’m out of her life for good.”
Gemma’s face was such an open book I could see the emotions playing across her face. Shock. Worry. Confusion. Disappointment. But I didn’t see fear. Why didn’t I see fear?
She stayed quiet, processing it all right in front of me, and I stood frozen in the sand, trying to see the moment she realized that if Callie should get away from me, maybe she should too.
I couldn’t take the silence anymore, couldn’t take not knowing what she thought of me now. “Say something!”
“Oh, Carson,” she breathed.
The tenderness in her words made my eyes sting. “Go ahead, Gem, tell me I’m worthless. Tell me to leave. I already know the truth.”
She stood and put her hands on my shoulders. Even though I was taller by a good six inches, she held my gaze with all the force of someone much bigger than her. “You listen to me, and you listen to me good,” she ordered, her voice firm. She pointed a finger at my face. “You are nothing like our father. He hurt you—hurt us—and when you feel so much pain for so long, you’ll do anything to stop it.”
My jaw