time to yourself.”
“No, it would be good for me to get some exercise. Maybe the endorphins will help.”
The idea of exercising with Merritt brought back a flood of memories, along with new pain. Carson had always protected me from their ridicule back then, but now? I was on my own.
I pushed myself up from the floor and continued toward the door. The soft tap of Merritt’s work shoes came behind me, blending with mine and the dogs’ footsteps. We walked out the door and into the warm summer morning.
“Where do you want to walk?” Merritt asked, her voice still raw.
“There’s a dog park not too far from here where we can go. These two should be pretty good with other animals.”
She nodded, and for a while we walked side by side along the sidewalk that led toward the dog park. The hot summer sun beat down on our backs, making sweat bead on my forehead and neck. Some of the saltwater slipped into my psoriasis scabs, and I cringed against the pain.
“What's up with you?” Merritt asked.
I shook my head. “Just hot.”
“Well maybe you shouldn't have worn a long-sleeve shirt,” she said with a sense of superiority that rubbed my frayed nerves entirely the wrong way.
I glared at her. Did she even know what she was saying?
“What?” she asked, raising her hands in defense.
“Well, I can't exactly wear short sleeves or tank tops around you.”
“Why not?” she popped off, and then realization crossed her face. “Oh.”
Her words sparked a fire ofanger within me. Not just at her but at this entire situation. Not only was I fat because I’d given up on sports, I’d been betrayed by her, a person I thought was my friend, just like Carson had betrayed me now, breaking up with me one day after promising me forever.
The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. “You know what, Merritt? You had the perfect life. You were petite and cute and your parents were rich and you had friends, and you still found a way to make me miserable. It wasn’t good enough to just enjoy your own life—you had to crush mine to make yourself look even better. And I’m the dumb one who let you do it.” I shoved through the dog park gate to let the dogs off their leashes. My hands shook I was so angry, but I finally got them unclipped, and they immediately ran to play with the other animals.
I sat on an open bench, trying to calm the rush of emotions in my mind. I’d lost everything back then, and it felt like I was going through it all over again, except worse. Because now I didn’t even have my best friend at my side.
Slowly, Merritt sat on the opposite end of the bench. “I'm sorry about that, Callie. It was wrong.”
I almost didn't believe what she said. I glanced over at her to see if she was joking, if there was a punchline coming, but Merritt had tears streaming down her cheeks. Still in disbelief, I said, “What?” I had to have misheard her.
“I'm sorry I hurt you, okay?” she cried. “I'm a mean girl. That's why Beckett broke up with me, that's why my friends will turn on me at the first chance they get, and that's why nothing I do is ever good enough for my parents.” She dropped her head in her hands and sobbed.
My mouth parted, and then I pressed my lips together. “I get not feeling good enough.”
“Can you stop being such a saint?” She stood and let out an exasperated groan. “Callie, I terrorized you for a skin condition you have no control over, and you’re still trying to empathize with me. Stop.” She folded her arms over her chest, shaking her head. “Maybe that’s why Carson left you! Because no one can ever measure up!”
Her words were a dagger through my heart, but she was so, so wrong.
“I am so far from perfect. Remember? I sprayed you with a hose!”
“I insulted your ex. I deserved it.”
“You didn’t deserve that any more than I deserved to be picked on.” The words hurt, but it was the truth. Being kind was a choice, and we’d both made some bad ones. “It's not easy to be a good person. And sometimes you fail, and it eats at you.” I still didn’t know how to make sense of what Carson did. How I felt about it. But I was still guilty for my reaction.