a quiet echo in her for weeks, but here and now it was like a church bell ringing in her head. One she couldn’t ignore or think past.
Tonight, and for school. What would happen if he didn’t want her anymore after this? Now that he’d seen her body, seen her naked. Now that he knew her in a way that no one else did.
“I wish you could stay,” he breathed. And she didn’t know if he meant tonight or forever, and both options scared her, because she couldn’t stay all night, anymore than she could stay forever, and it wasn’t fair of him to make her feel like she should.
Strange, how close to the surface anger was, along with fear. And an intense vulnerability that made her want to curl into a ball and protect herself. Like a small animal turning out its spikes so that she couldn’t be touched or hurt.
But she didn’t have any spikes. All she had was soft, naked skin that he was still touching. And with each sweep of his calloused fingers over her, she became more and more aware of how easily he could hurt her.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she lied, because what was she going to say?
It had felt good. Wonderful. And she loved him. But that was the problem. Love was so much more than she’d realized it was an hour ago.
“It’ll get better,” he said.
She didn’t know if she wanted it to get better. She didn’t know what she wanted at all.
“I have to go home,” she said.
“What? Now?”
“I don’t want my mom to get worried. She knew I was going to be out for a while but...you know, probably not this long.”
“Okay. I’ll walk you to your car.”
She watched him get dressed, and she lay there, still naked underneath the covers. His body fascinated her. It was so different from hers, and suddenly she didn’t want to go. Not because of his body, but because looking at him reminded her that it was Luke. And suddenly she wanted to cling to him forever. But she’d already said that she needed to go, so she did need to go. She hadn’t known that it would make her so insane.
“Let me help,” he said.
He dressed her. The guy rehooked her bra for her. Pulled her dress back over her head. Bundled her up in her coat.
“You don’t have to go, Emma,” he said. “You can stay with me. We don’t have to...do anything. We can just sleep.”
She wanted to. But she wasn’t ready to have that conversation with her mother. Except...she almost felt like she needed to.
“No. I should go. I just... My mom...”
And she wondered if that was really what was happening, or if she was just panicking. Because she was on the edge of something big and it terrified her.
Because she’d been on the edge of love and now she was deep in it.
“Luke... I love you.”
It was like he’d turned to stone. “Oh.”
“Is that all you can say?”
“I... Emma, I’ve never...”
“You told me you weren’t a virgin,” she said, trying to do something about the horrible weight on her chest.
He shook his head. “I’ve never done the love thing.”
“What did you think I was doing?” she asked, her voice hushed.
“Love is a stupid thing, Em. It’s just words and it doesn’t matter. Why do you need them?”
Emma floundered, trying to breathe past the pain in her chest. “Because I want everything. The school of my dreams, the career of my dreams, love. Am I worth that or not?”
“Emma...”
“Are we worth it, or not?” She knew maybe this was wrong, but she didn’t want to wait. Not for this. Not for anything.
He didn’t speak. And she couldn’t stand there in his silence for another moment.
She scrabbled out of the trailer as fast as she could. She expected him to follow her, because he always did. He always walked her to her car. But this time he didn’t. And she fought with herself. Fought to keep from going back and begging him to love her. Saying that she would take whatever he gave.
And maybe she was being unreasonable. Or maybe she was being immature, she didn’t know. But she was... It was his reaction. And it hurt.
But her mom was right, her grandma was right. And watching the way that her aunt’s marriage had fallen apart, she knew that she was right.
She had to ask for what she wanted now. She had to make it clear what kind of love she