versus having just read science books, and the odd scene from a romance novel that she’d snuck out of her grandma’s room now and again.
She hadn’t talked to Luke beforehand, because she felt weird about that, too. Which was maybe not the best sign. If you didn’t quite know how to broach the subject of sex with the man you wanted to have it with.
She walked into the garage and looked around. “Luke?”
He came out from the back room, wiping his hands on a rag. He froze when he saw her. She supposed that she was dressed a little bit more...up than normal.
“Hi,” she said. “I hope you’re...off soon.”
“What are you doing here, Em?”
“I came to see you.”
“You normally call first.”
“I know. I’m a surprise.”
Her throat felt impossibly dry. She felt like running away, which was strange, because she was the one who was determined to do this in the first place.
There was no point waiting on anything.
Her father was gone.
He hadn’t been here for her graduation. He wouldn’t see her off to college. Wouldn’t be there for her future wedding, or to ever meet her children.
In many ways, that made her feel like more of an adult than anything ever could. Those milestones that she’d have without him.
“Okay, you look like you’re afraid of me,” he said. “And I don’t like that. So what’s up?”
“I’m not afraid of you,” she said, the words coming out in a rush.
“Are you breaking up with me?”
She blinked. It had never occurred to her that he would think that. That Luke could possibly have even a moment of insecurity when he...
Well, if anyone should feel insecure about their relationship, it was her. Younger, less experienced and definitely not the kind of thing that he was looking for. He was the object of her long-held fantasy.
Of course, he didn’t know that.
Suddenly, she saw all of this from his point of view. That she was standing there looking awkward, and he had no idea what was going to come out of her mouth. That she might be touching her necklace, because she was going to take it off and give it back, not because it was the most treasured thing that she owned, and she wanted to hold on to it now because she wanted to hold on to it forever.
“I’ve had a crush on you for forever,” she said.
“What?”
“Luke, I... I’ve had a crush on you for forever. I’m going to sound like a crazy stalker girl, but I took a job at the diner partly so that I could be near you. I mean, I didn’t go looking for the job. Adam offered it to me, but when he did...”
“You really did that?”
“Yes.”
His lips turned up into a lopsided smile. “Hmm.”
“You think that makes me sound like a stalker?”
“No. But it makes me feel...good.”
“I didn’t think you would ever pay attention to me. I was going through one of the hardest things... The hardest thing that I’ve ever gone through in my life. You were just kind of a hot escape. But then we started talking, and you were more than that. You helped me figure out what to do next. And... I didn’t just come to talk.”
“Where does your mom think you are?” he asked.
“I told her I was going out with you. I told her I might be late.”
“How late?”
“Late enough. Hey...do you have condoms?”
He dropped the rag. “What?”
“My friend Catherine would yell at me and tell me that it was my responsibility to get condoms if I want to have sex because we live in a society that demands we take charge of our own sexuality. But everyone knows my mom, and I couldn’t figure out which store to go to that wasn’t like...fifty miles away. So, I was just kind of hoping that you had some.”
“I—”
“You’re not a virgin, are you?”
“Hell no,” he said. “I mean... I didn’t mean it like that. No. I’m not.”
“So you have condoms?”
“Yes,” he said. “I do.”
“Good,” she said. “Because I think we might need some.”
“Emma, you don’t have to.”
“I know. Honestly, though, you’re making it sound like I just offered to clean the whole garage or something, not have sex with you. You’re not exactly selling it. Remember, I’ve never done it before.”
“I know,” he said. “And I didn’t say it like that because I think it’s a chore. I just... I don’t want you to think that you have to do this because...you’re eighteen, and I’ll leave you if you don’t, or